Re-Write & Re-Narrate
Phase 2: Re-Write and Re-Narrate
In this phase, we dig deeper into the ‘stories we tell ourselves’ - about ourselves, others, food, and the world around us. It is so important to recognise that when seeking to manage weight, it is so often not about the diet. Of course that’s a factor, but I think most of us get that. Where we have challenges is in how we view ourselves and how our stories help us navigate our way through the world. Do these stories serve our purposes and goals or do they undermine and sabotage them?
Now, this can get deep, so, take your time, be kind to yourself and reach out if you have any questions or thoughts - dave@restlessmidlifer.com
Session 1: Unearthing the Stories and Labels
In this phase we start the process of unearthing the stories we tell ourselves and work to recognise those that no longer serve us or actively hinder our progress.
So, today we ease into the phase with a couple of tasks:
Today's tasks:
Watch the video.
Review your past notes and journal entries and consider what stories you may have already identified - give them a name that captures them so you can readily label them when they arise later (have a little fun with the naming and no shaming please ;0). Have you found any labels you give yourself - they can often reveal how you you identify yourself - as in how you see yourself in the world. they can show up as "I'm just a...' 'I'm too...' 'I'm a born...' 'I never...' 'I always...' and so on.
That's it for this session, just capture past reflections and any insights as a result of watching the video. Next we build this into the context of your life.
Session 2: How our stories play out in the world
In this session, I want you to consider how you and your narratives find their place in the world and how past and present experiences shape how we interpret the world and shape our actions.
Your tasks:
Watch the video
Download the attached worksheet and makes some notes about the stories and labels that fall within your sphere of influence - ie the aspects of life you have influence over and that influence (affect) you on a regular basis. Particularly focus on those relating to eating, food, exercise and physical activity.
In the next session, I introduce you to a playful way to frame our stories and give you the foundation for our approach to shifting them in a direction that serves our goals. Any questions, don't forget you can email me at dave@restlessmidlifer.com.
Session 3: The Next Game of Thrones or Ted Lasso?
How did you get on with the previous activity? If you found it challenging or even overwhelming, you are not alone. Remember the advice in the worksheet - exercise some self-compassion and above all, remember you are not your stories. They can be convincing and seemingly all-consuming, but they can mislead, misdirect and be false.
A small grain of truth in a story, can be spun up and out into a fantastical tale of drama, hurt and woe. Similarly, we can reshape our stories into more fun, fulfilling and even exhilarating narratives.
How? By getting a little playful, stepping away from the seriousness and getting a bit tongue in cheek. It's the antidote to the often heavy narratives we carry around.
Today's tasks:
Watch the video
Consider the next 'episode' - what one problem or challenge (which story or label) will our hero (you) confront? Don't worry about the 'how' just now. We will explore that over the coming days.
Session 4: Writing the Screenplay for Your Life
Hopefully you found the previous activity and the framing of our stories in terms of a Netflix style series useful in seeing how we can actually start to influence our the arc of our lives.
Today, I want to encourage you to get a little more playful and whimsical even. The activity today is about combining the past with the present and future into a 'screenplay' for your life. No you don't have to get as detailed as scripting every action, activity and conversation. All I want you to do is rough out the 'episode' and programme title.
Today's task:
Watch today's video
Download the worksheet (you can use your journal to capture this) and identify your past 'episodes', any pivotal 'scenes' from your life and rough out your future chapters - remember yesterday's activity - the next episode is where our hero (you) tackles a particular story or label, taking it to task and overcoming it.
Session 5: Re-Writing Your Stories
How are you getting on with the screenplay? Remember this is not the final draft. It is intended to be your first rough working draft. Keep it to sketched out ideas, jotted down notes or ideas and you can flesh out a little bit more as you go. Use today and the weekend to add more thoughts and ideas.
In this session, I just want to highlight the basic approach the underpins how, over time, you will work with your stories shifting them from those that are unhelpful to more positive scripts and stories that fit into your life screenplay.
The elements are:
Knowing & Noticing Your Stories - get to know the problematic stories and how they show up. Practice looking out for them - catch them as they arise in you.
Challenging & Changing the Story - Just as you would when changing a channel on the TV, recognise that the current story may be fiction - challenge yourself - is it true? Then shift to a more positive alternative narrative.
Rinse, Record & Repeat- Keep going. Stories take time to shift and there will always be those more entrenched stories - fables for want of a better term. Those stories that endure, creep back up on you and sneak back in. Keep repeating the process and use your journal to capture your reflections. That can be a powerful tool in embedding the new and revealing the increasingly sneaky fables as they try regain their place in your mind.
That's it for this session. I will spend more time on each of the above over the coming lessons. For now, remember the challenge you, the hero of your story, has chosen to take on this episode - what one gnarly, negative and disruptive story is getting in the way? Practice 'knowing and noticing' - start to raise your awareness. For now that's all - get better at catching your stories as they arise. We will explore how to get better this and how to challenge and shift them.
Take care and remember to have fun - get playful with the screenplay, whimsical and allow yourself to imagine what could be if only you could shift those problematic limiting stories.
Session 6: Knowing & Noticing: the Emotional Connection
In this and the next session we will focus on the Knowing and Noticing aspect. This is about knowing how your stories show up AND how they shift your emotions, feelings, mood, thinking & mindset.
Today's tasks:
Watch the video
Use the worksheet (you can use your journal to record your answers) to work through how that one story (the one you identified last week) shows up.
In the next session we will explore how to get comfortable in the presence of the story and all those thoughts and feelings.
Session 7: Making Space For Your Story
How did you get on with the previous activity? Chances are you will add more to your list of signs as you notice the story arising over the coming days and weeks.
This session, is about addressing the power of our troublesome story and getting better at allowing it to surface and not respond immediately.
It can be so easy, when on automatic, to find ourselves responding to the direction of our story, for example, 'give up there's no point' - or denying and bottling it up. Neither approach is helpful. But the thoughts and feelings that arise when the story appears can be uncomfortable, painful even.
So how do we take a more positive approach?
Today's task:
Watch the video
Consider what one or two things you can do to create some space for the story, to allow time for you to challenge and change it?
The purpose of this session is to prepare you for the next phase - challenging and changing your stories.
Session 8: Challenging your Story
Today we explore how to challenge the story once you spot it arising. I will give you a number of approaches and ways to reframe the challenge so you can pick something that you think will work best for you. Experiment with the approaches and see what sticks.
An example:
Imagine the 'scene' - you find yourself peering into the biscuit tub, not sure how you got there, but here you are nevertheless. What script is running? What are you saying/ what is your inner commentator saying as you look inside? 'I know I shouldn't but, what's the harm? It's only one or five, I've been doing well. I deserve it. I do love a Chocolate Digestive after all.'
Today's Tasks:
Watch the video
Download the 'story challenger' aide memoir
Session 9: Changing and Shifting the Story
Having equipped ourselves with some questions to challenge or cross-examine our story, limiting belief or assumption, we need to work on shifting to an alternative narrative.
Here, I want to introduce the concept of the 'transitional script' - something that is believable but shifts you away from the entrenched script.
How you approach shifting your narrative about a particular thing - whether that be food, activity, you or how you believe others perceive you, will depend on what you can accept as being close to the truth as you see it. For example, if you find it totally unbelievable to think you are worthy of love and admiration, creating a story around that belief right now is likely to meet with a lot of resistance. You may even provoke emotions that support your entrenched negative story rather than the new one.
This is why we spend more time focusing on the script in a particular scene rather than the big picture. It's more manageable and tangible.
So, below I pose some questions intended to get you thinking about what you could believe and how you can incorporate action into them - using yesterday's example, you may justify that this visit to the biscuit tin is not going to make any difference to your goal. You have, using the challenging questions) recognised that it won’t move you towards your goal, but your belief that ‘it’s fine, this once. I deserve it, I’m doing well’ is pretty well embedded.
In this case, attempting to shift to a totally opposite script for this scene involving abstaining from the biscuits, may be hard to swallow (pardon the pun). So what would an interim or transitional story sound like?
Think about incorporating something from the ‘re-zoning’ phase, such as ‘I know I’m doing well and a treat won’t hurt, so long as it’s less than I usually would. After all it’s usually only the first few bites that I enjoy the most. I’ll pick one for now and I can always come back later if I want another.’ Or how about ‘I know I am having this because I fancy a biscuit not because I am hungry. So I’m going to have it but I am also going to make sure I sit and enjoy it - no eating it while doing something else.’
Allowing your re-design and re-zone efforts to support you in adding friction into the system and thus space for you to let the script arise, you to challenge it, and to shift to another more helpful narrative is what matters. Remember it is not all or nothing. And that includes reminding yourself that progress is made over many such shifts - the cumulative impact of small changes amounts to big results.
Today's tasks:
Consider a typical 'scene' that you find yourself regularly playing out. Is it the 'stuff it i can't be arsed, let's get a takeaway' or 'I know I need to get out for a run/ walk/ go to the gym, but i'm too tired.'
How does it link to the story you are challenging this episode? What story have you identified? 'I'm just a lazy '!?x!@$' or 'I'm a greedy...' The Story is the bigger arc and the scene nd script is how that story shows itself in the day to day.
Having picked the typical scene you want to challenge, how can you shift it to something believable and something that means you will eat a little less, move a little more? Better put into action is far better than perfect that remains an aspiration.
Remember, progress will be made in those small scene by scene victories. Combining your re-zoning efforts with script changes can have a powerful cumulative impact.
In the next session, you will spend some time reflecting on the numerous 'scenes' in your life where the disruptive story shows up.
Session 10: Identifying the troublesome Scenes
Ok, so today is about playing with the idea of the troublesome scenes - the day to day moments that happen before we know it. The scenes where our problematic story plays out at an unconscious or unnoticed level. How true is it that no matter how hard and how long you work on a diet, or fitness campaign we can undermine much of the effort in a mindless moment where our story takes over. Those moments are small - sprout-sized, but cumulatively they add up.
We often notice the impact of the small moments when they result in negative outcomes or moving us away from our goals. The good news is they evidence just how powerful small actions consistently implemented can be. The sprout-sweating approach.
Hence, we need to continue to identify those critical scenes in our day to day lives that serve to undermine our goals, intentions and efforts.
Today's Task
Use the attached worksheet, or in your journal put aside a page or two, (title it - 'troublesome scenes') and start adding some typical scenes that seem to regularly occur in your day - the scenes that if played out unwittingly lead you to confirm your underlying troublesome story and lead you away from your goal. Use the prompts in the worksheet to get you to identify the scripts that arise (the words you say to yourself, the justifications, the self-criticism, the limiting belief you are affirming.'
This is likely to be an ongoing process as you consider various areas of your life, so just get started and revisit this as you spot another scene.
Don't worry, this is not about tackling them all at once - the sprout sweater way is to take on one sprout-sized scene at a time, get that nailed then tackle another. We are simply aiming to create a list of future to do's - scenes you will tackle in due course.
Let me know any questions and feedback at dave@restlessmidlifer.com and good luck!
Well done! You have completed Phase 2 - don't worry if you have things you still need to do or review. It is better to be moving that try to get perfect. you can always return to this phase and any session at any time.