Permission To Be Human
Sprout Sweater Episode 1
In this, the first episode of the Sprout Sweater podcast, Dave dives into the stories we tell ourselves - about the world and in order to make sense of the world. He asks you to give yourself 'permission to be human' and explores how this relates to those stories (our inner narratives). He also provides some 'homework' (or food for thought) for the week ahead - something which will help you to start to be more aware of those inner narratives in a bid to identify those stories that are more problematic for our wellbeing.
Dave Algeo is a writer, coach, trainer and speaker empowering others to live big, by identifying the small but significant things that can transform the life we are living. Join Dave on the good ship 'Sprout1' as we explore the inner galaxy of the human mind, and find the sprouts that make the biggest difference. These are the sprouts you are looking for.
Search for 'Sprout Sweater' in your favourite podcast feed. Drop Dave a line at dave@sproutsweater.com to ask questions, offer feedback or suggestions for future podcast content.
Show Notes:
The following is a rough draft of the content (not a full transcript - more notes forming the basis of the podcast recording.
(opposite - book referred to in podcast)
The Sprout Sweater Pod is ready for launch
Welcome aboard Sprout1 - I am your Chief Sprout Sweater, Dave Algeo.
Buckle up and enjoy this journey into mind and metaphor, as we make sense of our day to lives as human beings. These sprout-sized journeys into our inner world are intended to open you up to the stories we tell ourselves - about ourselves, the world and our place in it. You may find your gravity shifting from time to time as you navigate new perspectives, ideas or thoughts.
Don’t worry, that’s normal. When we start to become aware of how our inner narratives guide us, almost unconsciously through our days, we may also find that some of those stories are more hassle than they are worth.
If you find stress gets the better of you, your mind feels cluttered and chaotic, and your life feels like it’s anything but your own, then join me as we sojourn to different sprout-sized inner worlds, looking for food for thought (pun intended). Let’s get your head back (from stress), your Shit Together (more focused and organised) and Life back on your terms.
This is Episode 1 of ‘The Sprout Sweater’
Well folks, here we are! Episode 1. Thank you for accompanying me on this, our first official mission. If you want a little more context on the ‘why’ of this podcast, then checkout episode 0 in which I share a little background.
Over the coming episodes you will become more familiar with all things sprout, the power of the small but significant shifts in perspective, habits, routines, and actions that can lead to a life that feels more meaningful, enjoyable and one in which we thrive more than survive.
Today, I want you to start with ‘giving yourself permission to be human.’ I love the phrase and it’s not mine. I first heard it uttered by Tal Ben Shahar, during a book tour upon the release of his book, ‘Happier.’
It seems so obvious and simple doesn’t it. Yet, how often do you give yourself that permission? To be human? To feel exhausted, down, rough, sad, low, defeated, angry, resentful or jealous?
Here’s a definition unearthed as I researched and prepared this episode (hey I’m a trainer at heart I can’t help but seek out an official definition can I?).
A person. Humans are living, breathing entities capable of feeling and showing emotions, such as love, hate, compassion, and indifference. Some, but not all, humans are considerate and generous. Humans are fallible, although some deny that. Most, but not all, humans are forgiving of the faults of others. Humans are still necessary, although many of their functions have been automated by machines. See also automated attendant and machine. Webster's New World Telecom Dictionary. Copyright 2010 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana. Used by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Now isn’t that a wonderfully over-simplified definition. Yes but it still captures the variation and, more importantly, what are the more commonly shared traits - love, hate, compassion, fallibility, amongst others. I also wonder just how much the sentiment behind the latter part of the definition ‘humans are still necessary, although many functions have been automated by machines’, might be contributing to our motivation for perfection, to work harder and harder, achieve more output, and so on. Yes, it’s far more complex than that, but and here’s the thing,
This is where our journey ought to begin. With the acknowledgement that we are humans. Not machines. Indeed how many of us treat our car, or smart phone with more care than we do ourselves? They need refuelling or recharging, cleaning and polishing and rebooting or servicing from time to time.
What about you? Well I would assert that you need that downtime as much if not more than any piece of machinery or electronics. Ok, so you sleep. But is that it? What else do we need? When you “relax’ - do you really relax? Do you really switch off and allow your mind to wander? Do you find that it’s just not worth it because your inner voice - that narrative starts with the Jackanory stories - those stories about how you are wasting time, lazy, or driving you to keep going and get more done?
For me, this is where it starts. In order to start getting more out of our lives (rather than constantly putting effort into it), we need to get our heads back. Reclaim our mind from the less helpful or downright destructive stories running in the background. ‘I’m not good enough’ ‘I need to be more’ ‘It’ll be better when’ ‘If only I could’ ‘Once I achieve this I will be’ ‘I’m just a lazy…’ ‘What if they realise I have no clue?’ ‘What if I am found out?’
An example. In my former life as a police officer, I found myself being promoted reasonably young in service. Great eh? Yes and No. Yes, because my hard work and effort was recognised. No, because I really believed I didn’t not deserve it. So much so, that it took me three years to hand over my PC’s Warrant card. Three years, I hung on to it, all the while believing that one day, someone somewhere would suddenly realise, I did not deserve to wear those Sergeant stripes. And once exposed, they would quickly rip the stripes off my epaulettes, and demand my sergeant’s warrant card back. And I, in my amazing foresight would be able to say, Ok, don’t worry, no need to get a new card, I still have my old one here. The I would slink back off to my former rank. One which, incidentally I didn’t believe I warranted either.
And what, after three years, Two things shifted my perspective from imposter sergeant to, ‘you know what, I’m ok at this’
I looked around and realised that no-one was perfect. No-one. Not one single person I knew at any rank or in any role, had it nailed. I realised, I didn’t have to be perfect. Couldn’t be. And all I was doing by striving to be perfect was grinding myself into the ground and preventing the real me - the imperfect, fallible, compassionate, creative me - from being a human doing a police officer’s job. When I looked around, all the other not perfect human beings were bringing something unique to their roles - themselves. And when they weren’t. When they were trying too hard to be something perfect, they too stunted their ability to bring the humanity to the role and ground themselves down in the process.
Permission to be human.
And the second thing I realised, is that I had been telling myself stories about myself (I am not good enough, and if only I reach this idealised version of myself, I will be enough) and the world and its expectations of me (you need to be more, I can see you - I can see the fool behind that uniform and that persona). I realised that those stories need not be true. I say need not be true because let’s face it - it didn’t matter to me whether they were actually true or not. I believed them nonetheless.
And, as I came to see that the years of angst, pain and fear were largely as a result of believing these stories, - Stories which I could challenge and change, I discovered the power of insight. Insight, like a will-o-the-wisp, came into view showing me there was another way of seeing myself, others and the world. And then it vanished, leaving a diminishing glow behind it.
From that point on, I have wrestled with those stories - the narratives of my life. My experience with the PC’s warrant card, didn’t dramatically change my life to the point of ‘job done.’ Yes it helped me remove an immense load - the weight of feeling like a fraud, the fear of being exposed at any moment - but that load, courtesy of those gnarly recurring entrenched stories came back. In ever more devious and sneaky forms. The stories changed but the plot remained the same - ‘not good enough’ ‘it’ll be better when’ ‘you could try harder.’
But that experience planted a sprout. A sprout-sized idea in my mind. We are not our thoughts. We are not the stories we tell ourselves. And over the years, of nursing and watering, that sprout has grown and split off into many many more sprout sized thoughts, practices, habits, hacks and helpful techniques all designed to work with this complex,imperfect messy human being called dave algeo. All designed to remind him - you have permission to be human, and you can challenge and shift those stories and choose ones which compliment you and help guide your in the direction you want your life to go.
So, my questions for you are - what stories are you telling yourself about yourself, the world, others and how the world and others view you? And how are those stories helping or hindering your ability to be a human being and not just a human doing?
Can you give yourself permission to be human? From today? Right now in fact? And what objections arise in your mind as you give yourself that permission? What snapshot or synopsis flashes before you hinting at a bigger, more deeply rooted, narrative?
That’s your homework for this week if you like. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself, drive yourself and treat yourself when you perceive yourself as being less than optimum (or perfect). And use that phrase as a reminder to exercise a little more self-compassion.
It is a simple phrase. But it is itself, a snap shot - a succinct synopsis of a bigger story - a story that calls us all the challenge those inner narratives that hold us back, or drive us to some impossible impression of ‘perfect’ or simply grind down our emotional reserves.
By reminding yourself you have permission to be human you are in fact allowing your very nature - your human nature an opportunity to feel the warmth of the sun, and start to impress itself on the world, and more importantly upon your own life.
And, now ‘sprout1’ is preparing to return you to your world once again. Take with you, the phrase - permission to be human, and anything you may have collected in the way of insight and inspiration as you land and make your way among your fellow humans once again.
Outro call to action
I hope you have enjoyed your flight aboard Sprout1 - for show notes and information on how to get the podcast feed direct to your apple podcasts, Spotify or other favourite podcast feed visit sprout sweater.com.
And touchdown…
Dave
Dave Algeo,
Stress(ed) Guru Speaker, trainer and 'Men's Burnout+ Coach (coaching from burnout to break-through)
dave@stressedguru.com
Helping you create success with (not at the expense of) wellbeing