The Restless Midlife

Sprout Sweater Episode 25 : Why being a Restless Midlifer is a Positive

Join Dave Algeo aboard "Sprout 1" and take another journey into your inner world where mind, meaning and metaphor collide.

In this episode, Dave introduces the concept of the 'Restless Midlifer' and shares why he considers this label applies to him. He encourages you to consider your own identity and whether your life as it is now fits with that aspirational identity.

Dave Algeo is a writer, coach, trainer and speaker empowering others to live big, by identifying the small but significant things that can transform the life we are living. Join Dave on the good ship 'Sprout1' as we explore the inner galaxy of the human mind, and find the sprouts that make the biggest difference. These are the sprouts you are looking for.

Search for 'Sprout Sweater' in your favourite podcast feed. To find out more about the podcast, and episode show notes at Podcast — Stress(ed) Guru and more about his in-person and online events at www.stressedguru.com. Drop Dave a line at dave@sproutsweater.com to ask questions, offer feedback or suggestions for future podcast content.

Episode 25 Show Notes

The following is a rough draft of the content (not a full transcript - more notes forming the basis of the podcast recording

Could you be a restless midlifer, are you looking to rediscover your sense of adventure?

Welcome aboard sprout1 I’m your host Dave Algeo chief sprout sweater. Now store your baggage, take your seats and buckle up. We are embarking on a short journey to explore our need for adventure meaning and fulfilment. 

It’s episode 25 the restless midlife.

And as we lift off the pad and before you get into the episode don’t forget if you find the demands of life and the meaning of it all is leading you to sleepless nights, tossing and turning with deep and not so deep questions rattling around your head, then hop on over to the sproutsweater.com to gain access to my free Operation Snooze Sleep Improvement audio program. Start getting your head back and your shit together so that you can start getting life back on your terms, sproutsweater.com.

Over the course of the last 24 episodes, the focus has been on raising our awareness of our stories. You know those stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, the world and other people. But more than that it’s also about being encouraging us to explore how these stories are shaping our lives and day to day experiences and whether they actually serve us. Okay, so in their own way, they are serving us. They are helping us to navigate life, avoid pain or at least to avoid what we perceive as something more painful because let’s face it the stories that we may be telling ourselves can cause us pain in the process. They may tell you to hold back, avoid, don’t bother or tell you you are less than worthy or useless or worse. And yes those stories in their own way are perhaps adding pain but they are part of our minds attempt to protect us and keep us safe. You know stick to what a parent, a friend or loved one told you about you because then it means that you won’t make a fool of yourself again or expose your emotions to being hurt again etc., etc. 

So we’ve explored that and I’ve encouraged you to do that and start to identify those stories. We’ve also explored how once we become aware of and reflect upon how they are serving us how we can then shift these stories. How we can reframe the stories in the context of our vision for our life ahead taking into account the uncertainties of life. You know we can sign what we might want to change, keep or ditch and out of that we identify some sprout sized habits that can not only move us towards those goals but help incrementally shift our stubborn stories to complement that vision and our goals. And really what we are doing is looking to develop a sustainable transformation process one that’s built upon a more solid foundation, perhaps more importantly on deliberate thought or and consideration. I mean we have all had life experiences I’m guessing that they’ve been so significant in their nature that they’ve left an indelible mark on our sense of identity and probably changed a particular story perhaps heartbreak that’s a common one. It can lead you to shift to ‘I’m never going to trust that person again’ or man or woman again or them again or anything. ‘I’m not going to open myself up to that kind of thing again’. Those kinds of events can shape quite dramatic shifts in our story. So really what we have been talking about or what I’ve been encouraging you to think about over the last few episodes is to look at how we can do this shifting of the story through deliberate consideration and out of a reflection at a deeper level. What is it I really want from life for me and those that matter? What do you want for your life for those that matter to you? And perhaps even on a bigger scale in terms of what you want for the community, your workplace or the world. This is where I want to tie this into the ongoing theme through the episodes as well, midlife. Now I’ve commented on the so-called midlife crisis term and my issues with that phrase not least being that it can happen at any point in our lives and the fact that crisis is a word that is often inappropriately used in so many instances around this. I’ve used that in and talked about that in previous episodes. But I think there is something here, I’ve experienced it and I know so, so many others have as well, those that have had conversations with whether professionally, personally, friendships and coaching relationships in work that kind of thing. There are many of us who having got a few years under our belts we’ve got to a point where having lived life accorded to another set of rules to expectations from others and perhaps expectations that we place on ourselves because of these stories, we’ve come to realise that there is something missing. In my own journey into midlife and on through it I’ve found myself wrestling with the question is midlife a positive or a negative. Is this idea of questioning whether I’m experiencing this so-called midlife experience is it a positive or negative thing? I know the answer for me is it’s a positive but I know there is a counter-narrative to this isn’t there out there. If we get to a point in life where we start to change our minds, want to change our career, goals and lives it’s not always a welcome prospect for those around us. We totally understand that and we do need to factor in the ecology of our life and that’s a turn that actually Geoff Nicholson who appeared in episode 4 brought up in that next episode 27 where I get together with Geoff Nicholson and Dr Simon Raybould and we have a bit of a get together pre-Christmas he brings that context up we explore this ecology of our life.  So I understand that in the context of change wanting to seek something different can be unsettling for ourselves and everybody around us. I guess it is scary isn’t it but yes it’s disruptive and I get that and there’s no avoiding that. But what if we don’t do it and as the title of episode 22 asks what if continue to ignore that unsettling feeling. That quiet insistent voice is saying ‘come on there is more to life than this isn’t there?’ and as I say in the midlife crisis mismanagement episode I do argue that’s perhaps where we can get into the problematic areas and possibly even destructive aspects of life because by ignoring that growing inner voice that urging, that desire, that sense of there’s got be something more perhaps we are leading ourselves to react more extremely or to more negative consequences. 

So I guess here’s where the title of the episode comes in. I’ve come to see myself as a restless midlifer. Someone who is seeking, yearning, dreaming and shaping and I want to explore that inner voice that’s calling me to adventure. I want to find out what that adventure might consist of and how I can live my life in a more adventurous way adopting the mindset of curiosity, fearlessness. I don’t mean living without fear but I mean willing to move forward with fear but giving it less power over me and moving on anyway. And to reshape the stories that are getting in the way and turn up the volume on the stories that do serve me. I see it as a positive you know restlessness is often seen as a bit of a negative, isn’t it? but being restless for me is part of being human. It led us to so many amazing journeys and yes admittedly failures and calamities as a species but overwhelming I see that restless spirit as a wonderful thing. For me, now in my midlife, I want to embrace it. I want to embody it and I want to be the restless midlifer. I want to re adventure my life. You know as a kid that sense of curiosity and willingness to say something without thought or do something with little consideration albeit led to embarrassment and hurt at times also opened up the world as an amazing huge place. I’ve always been fascinated by exploration particularly space exploration, what about TV programs like Space 1999, Star Trek, Star Wars and you know there are many others. This episode is it’s for you to reflect but it’s about me placing a stake in the ground and stepping into life openly and boldly and saying ‘I am a restless midlifer and as a restless midlifer seeking adventure growth deeper relationships and meaning in life that is what I want to work towards. So what about you, how do you see yourself? Can you see yourself in a more positive way? Are you a fellow restless midlifer are you looking to re adventure your life to claim back that restless spirit of adventure. Claim it back and put it back into your life, into your midlife perhaps. And if so keep listening as I expand on this over the coming months and develop this idea of the restless midlifer and talk about how we can rediscover it. But for now, reflect on some of the stories and the narratives that you hold about yourself, about the world, about others, about your life and the direction and what you feel about how you are living your life. Reflect on those stories. Are they serving you? Is there something more, is there a quieter more insistent voice that perhaps gets shut down or pushed down somewhere in there somewhere down in the depths of your stomach or wherever, is there a little voice saying ‘do you know what there is more I want more I want that sense of adventure’. What would that be, what would it look like? Have a think about that because we are now coming up to, for many of us, the turn of the year we’re moving into Christmas for many of us. The turn of the New Year and it is a time naturally to take stock, to reflect, to look ahead and to think about how we might make changes. You know we always talk about the typical New Year’s resolution but why wait, why wait till January. Why not start to reflect now on how your life has been over the last few months, last 18 months, COVID19 and all that has played a part hasn’t it is certainly how it shaped things. But how have you faired how have your stories shaped and how are they dictating how you see life and what more would you like out of it if anything. Or what more of certain aspects of your life that you already have would you like. What less of certain things would you like. What stories have been problematic and gnarly and caused you issues. And we are not talking about transforming or changing these things overnight. We are talking about becoming aware of them, learning about what they say. How they are shaping our life and whether they’re serving us and then taking time out as I’ve encouraged you to do in previous episodes to identify a direction that you would like to travel and some smaller goals that would move you in that direction. And to capture that sense of adventure, that spirit, that excitement that we all felt no doubt as a child at some point where we felt that the world was there for us, it was here to serve us. Now clearly it’s not we have to think of others but wouldn’t it be lovely to capture an essence of that again and to feel like there is a world of adventure waiting for us. A world of adventure where we can find some meaning, some enjoyment, some fulfilment and make a difference in the world. So for now, I just want you to think about that and thank you for joining me for all of the episodes so far and I look forward to sharing more in the weeks and months and years to come. Some great tips, food for thought, some guests and some challenges hopefully to help you to reframe how you see yourself and your place in the world. 

So as our craft the sprout1 begins the landing process allowing you to return to your fellow humans consider how you can reframe your sense of who you are to reflect that quiet inner voice. The one that challenges you to more, more meaning, depths and perhaps even adventure.  Take care for now.

I hope you’ve enjoyed your flight aboard sprout1. For show notes and information on how to get the podcast feed direct to your apple podcast Spotify or other favourite podcast feed visit sproutsweater.com and touchdown!

Episode 26 Teaser:

In episode 26 Dave shares a big sweat interview with Dave Hall, Founder of the Ideas Centre. The Dave's explore how to use creativity techniques to develop innovative ways to generate ideas that can shift our thinking and our action and lead to transformation in our lives