FAQ - What is my motivation and background in Weight-Loss Coaching

In this short video I share some of the earliest motivating factors relating to the area of supporting clients in long term weight-loss through sustainable habits, rituals and routines. Remember Grange Hill and the Adrian Mole Diaries on TV? I do - for very particular reasons - and not great ones 😂 (i can chuckle about it now!). In this short snippet from a great interview with Polly Brennan - Adventurous Coaching on @KoastRadio TalkingTaboo show last week, I share a little about my own early experiences of becoming conscious of my own weight and how that shaped my subsequent years of self-image, anxiety and confidence issues. This is one of the roots of why I do what I do - work with clients on the 'inner-stuff' that gets in the way of the weight-loss or actively contributes to weight-gain.

#weightmanagement #weightloss #weightlossjourney #bodydysmorphia #confidence #confidencebuilding

Dave

Dave Algeo

Midlife Health and Weight Management Coach

Reclaim your Health, Life and Sense of Adventure in Midlife and Beyond

https://www.midlifereshape.com/#weightmanagement #weightloss #weightlossjourney #coach #midlifecoach #midlifewomen #midlifemen

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Dave

Dave Algeo, Restless Mid-Lifer' It is never too late to get life back on your terms and have even bigger adventures!'dave@restlessmidlifer.com

Transcript:

What I want to do is just continue that exploration, I guess, into this issue around what is our relationship with food like? What is the relationship with food like for you?

And in the previous episode, or the ones prior to the last three episodes with interviews, I explored,

well, I highlighted those three areas. One was obviously just the practical, sustainable,

physical aspects of our relationship with food.

And I explored that. And that's really about, you know,

energy,

you know, the energy we need to live a life to repair, that kind of thing.

And then the other two elements that I've highlighted here are the social and then the emotional side of it. Now, this week, what I want to do is talk about the social side of it.

And I guess,

in a way, it's not rocket science, but it is really worth underlining that food and drink play a really significant part in the social structure of our lives, doesn't it? And,

you know, we structure our lives around meals. But often,

we also structure social life. And when I'm talking about social life,

I'm talking about family life, the family rituals and routines, the things that we do, whether we get around the table, or we're sitting watching,

I don't know, Ted Lasso or something with a takeaway, whatever it is.

And we structure those family rituals and relationships around that.

And also with friends,

you know, we might meet up with friends on a regular or not so regular basis. And often,

you know, drink will certainly be involved, whether that's what seems to be really the vogue at the minute is to meet up for a coffee,

you know, that kind of thing, or have a drink,

alcoholic drink, or a catch up, have a have a light lunch or a tea or something like that, you know, there's there's meals around. There's also celebrations, you know, celebrations like weddings,

birthdays, that kind of thing.

And with that, I guess, also those times of year that perhaps lead us to engage in more of this socializing around whether that be Christmas or other religious kind of festivals or periods,

holidays, you know, we kind of have that aspect to it as well. When we're on holiday, we might feel like just want to chill,

cut loose, we're taking advantage of somebody else doing the cooking, if we're doing the all inclusive, or if you've got your self catering, we want something a bit different, we want to enjoy it. And we just want to soak up the vibes of going to this restaurant, that restaurant. So there's a lot to it, isn't there?

And I think this is the point that,

like a bit like the physical, really, that if that we, we underestimated or dismiss the importance of it at our peril.

Because if we're trying to get something life proof, something that actually,

you know, in terms of managing our weight or losing weight, we need to get real,

we need to get real about the physical requirements. And I spoke about that in previous podcast episodes, but also about the social element of eating and how it plays in across a year,

across a given week,

and how that tends to play out. Because what we're talking about here as physical,

emotional, psychological creatures, is that we are very, very much driven by relationship.

Some of us more than others, you know, some of us may be more outgoing and gregarious and need a lot more interaction with other people out and about.

Or even, you know, with our day to day life, whether it's at work or at home, others maybe a little bit less so.

But even so, we still may have one or two or small group friendship groups,

small family groups where food can often play a significant part in that.

And it's, it's really worth not only just highlighting the importance of not dismissing the social side of it, but really emphasizing that psychologically,

in terms of our emotional and psychological well-being,

the social aspect of our life,

taking into account individual variation on whether we like, you know, we like to be around more people, etc,

that it's a really, really important part of our physical, psychological, emotional well -being.

Indeed, when you talk about things like the biopsychosocial model, I have mentioned that in past episodes, I'm not going to go into detail, but it's a it's a classic model that looks at overall well-being.

And it's often used by counsellors to sort of identify how,

you know, if you think about three legs of a stool,

the bio is the biological is our habits, rituals, routines, the physical things we do and physical things we need. The psychological bit is the emotional and the mental health side of things, and the thoughts and feelings that we have. And the social is a valid leg of that three legged stool. And our social rituals, routines, do really provide a real strong foundation for how we get on with our life and how we survive and thrive rather than just grinding through or experiencing isolation and loneliness.

Now, given that it's one of those legs of the stool,

and given that food is such an intricate part, integral part of our interactions, food and drink,

we have to really acknowledge that that to to mess around or play around too much or without giving it proper thought could be could cause us issues. Because if we start to, for example,

I know a classic might be to say, right, I'm going to start a particular diet, which means I'm, you know, I'm going to have to cut out all my nights out with my friends,

I'm going to have to cut down on meals with out with people because it's just easier to do that.

Now, it may be easier in the sense of, I'd rather not put myself in the position of temptation.

But the trade off we're making is less of that social interaction that perhaps formed the glue to our life.

So we need to kind of consciously think about this. And this is something that,

from my point of view would be, again, of weighing perhaps that all or nothing,

thinking unless you're, you know, facing something like a particular competition, where it's a very short term notice thing, and you know, you need to do it just for that bit, get your head down and do it.

Or, you know, facing an operation or some medical health issue, then obviously you're better off in that respect.

Having said that, social support is still important. So we need to factor in alternatives or ways to get that into our life or maintain it.

But let's go back to the basics here.

My approach will, as always be,

what is the longer term, if we're going to be doing this for a longer period of time,

six months, a year, two years, three years, whatever, then we need to factor in how do we make this life proof? And how do we do it so we don't exclude or dramatically reduce those social interactions and the relationships in a bid to avoid temptation or to not have the pressure that we might feel to take part in the eating rituals, the drinking rituals.

So we need to factor that in.

And really, I think a couple of questions around this are,

if we have a six month year, a couple of years, we know it's going to be a longer journey,

then what can we do in terms of some small changes around that rather than some big wholesale changes?

Now, this then probably brings us to a couple of key things to identify,

because it is about then making, I guess, a bit of an audit of where do you tend to find the social aspect plays its part in your eating and your drinking routines and rituals day to day, week by week.

And when I'm saying that, I'm not talking about necessarily your bog standard breakfast, lunch, teas, where you can make those changes. It doesn't have an impact, say, on the family rituals and routines.

But perhaps maybe those ones that are a little bit more,

there might be a celebration, there might be a regular thing you do with your friends.

It's a tradition. It's something you regularly do.

And so there's a little bit more to it. The meals tend to be a little bit perhaps more lavish or just a little bit higher calorie, more density than you would normally have on a lunchtime if you're meeting friends for a lunch and some coffee, that kind of thing. Or you are meeting with friends for a few beers and inevitably there's a kebab or something like that at the end or whatever it is.

We need to factor, look at those ones to think about, right, firstly, how frequently are they?

Because if they're, I don't know, every other week and once a month,

that kind of frequency,

then there is a question that's generally worth asking is, is it worth actually doing anything significant with that, changing anything significant about that, when perhaps I can use the rest of the weeks or the months to compensate, to allow me to do that. And that's perfectly valid because life is ups and downs, ins and outs. There's a lot of ways we can make up ground in terms of, or make up for that splurge that's every so often.

And that's more than acceptable.

We might look at, you know, we could look at all sorts of different ways of, you know, I'll just tend to be good during the week or a couple of weeks and then I'll have that splurge on a Friday night, for example.

That said, if it's every week or two or three times a week and it's even an hour or a meal here, a family Sunday meal where the family get together traditionally every week,

plus other things, then we maybe do need to start to factor in or think about,

what about, what can I do? Because compensating outside of that may help, but as no doubt you've experienced, it's very, very easy to over consume a lot in a small amount of time, i.e. a meal, a celebration, and that can take a while to work its way off through the compensatory strategies we might have.

So what do we need to think about in those respects?

And that's where perhaps we need to start thinking about, what is the pressure that I'm experiencing there? Is it genuinely,

if I'm there,

am I going to feel some real social pressure to take part?

And or, am I going to feel a bit sense of formal fear of missing out? I'm missing out on a nice meal, etc. These are really valid questions to ask, because these are the things that if we resist too much or too long, can either form a rock solid habit that people adapt and accept,

or,

and it could be just as likely, lead to resentment and the snap back into, oh stuff it, it's not worth it, etc. What we're trying to do is navigate that fine line.

So it's about then saying, if it's more regular,

where are the opportunities for me to perhaps make some changes that are lower key,

that are lower friction,

in order to take off or damage limit over the time?

And that can be an interesting thing to do over time, because there might be some quick wins around what you drink, for example. You know, one of the things I've,

because I've been on decaf for quite a while now,

it's now an automatic habit for me to ask for a decaf, a skinny decaf cappuccino, or skinny decaf whatever,

and the skinny being skim milk, etc.

And you know, whilst that was an initial shift, it's something that's quite natural now, and most coffee shops tend to have a decaf on hand, and skinny,

skim milk, etc. as an alternative. So it's about looking for those quick wins, and perhaps that might be the same in drink. If, if you tend to have a few beers,

or some wines, can you move to something a little bit lower,

lower calorie density as an option?

Now again, you've got to weigh up what's the pressures, and what's the expectations? What am I going to feel like when I'm there? Because we've got to be realistic. But are there opportunities to do that? We've also got to factor in, particularly with alcohol, I think is also how you internally monitor how much you consume. Because I've done about you, one of the things I've learned in the past is, I know where I'm at with pints of beer. If I've had a few pints of beer, I can kind of almost subconsciously track, I've had one, two, three, whatever.

Not much, not much more than that usually these days.

But if I go on a red wine or something, it's, it's just psychologically harder for me to track how many I've had, and I often get myself into a bit more of a state, shall we say, and then regret it the next day.

So it's worth thinking about that.

But, so drink could be an option.

Or do you decide, right, I don't actually have to drink alcohol. I could drink a soft drink, and I'll drive. I'll be the, I'll be the nominate and drive. I don't mind that. We still have a laugh. I still enjoy a good meal. So we, we kind of have these trade-offs.

And think about what's the non-negotiables.

And perhaps, and this is for you to work out, but perhaps the non-negotiables are things like, I really want to enjoy a nice meal. Do you know what? I do enjoy it.

So I'm probably less bothered

about the drink or this, that and the other.

Or, you know what? The drink, the, the, it's the chance just to chill, have a couple of beers or a glass of wine or two with my friends. That's what I really like. The food, it's a kind of incidental.

Or, you know what? I enjoy the main course. We tend to have starters. We tend to get this, that and the other.

I'll probably just, you know what I'll do is I'll pick a good main course, and I'll skip the other stuff. The key with those kinds of decisions is to feel like you're still indulging and engaging the enjoyment side of things as well. So if you're going to pick a meal, don't be unrealistic and think, well, it'll be a salad. I'm going to go for a salad and I'm going to be a saint. Because I think if we start to do that,

it can work for a while. It can work for some of us.

But if we do that and everybody else is eating nachos or whatever it is and filling their faces,

that feeling can be really challenging.

So, and what we're looking at is the over time effect. So one of the things I've found over time is that what used to be perhaps a starter, main course and dessert has now over time,

and this has taken time as my appetite has not only settled,

that I am now more than happy, even if people are having a starter and dessert, to perhaps sacrifice one or both and just go for a main course.

And that kind of thing. Not always, it depends on the event. It depends on who I am with.

But we're looking to play the longer term game of educating our body and our mind down in terms of what it would normally take. But still enjoying it. Still enjoying the food or the experience as well.

So I guess really,

there's lots of different approaches and tactics. What I'm trying to get at is this idea of let's get real about it. Just like the physical side where I talk about you've got to get real about how much you actually need as a bare minimum and as a minimum for sustaining yourself, giving yourself enough energy. We need to think about this from the social side because it is such an important factor in our life.

So if we do that, then let's start to get a bit granular.

Let's look at where are the meals that perhaps are less social,

as in have less of that pressure, where I can experiment, play, cut down, cut out even perhaps,

to allow me some space and capacity for enjoying those other times.

And if the other times are more frequent and more regular, then what can I do within those frequent regular meals to make some tweaks and changes that perhaps I won't notice as much. I'm inevitably going to notice when I start,

but I won't notice as much as I would if I was to go all or nothing and be sitting there rigid staring at other people eating their nachos and tortillas and just drooling.

So that kind of thing can be useful. And then changing it so that over time we start to adapt our habits. Because over time, yes we're

seeking in a given space,

but over time what we're also looking is to adapt the longer-term habits and behaviours so it becomes normal that you drink this instead of that. You don't have a starter, you have a mink or so you have a big starter and a dessert or whatever. You can play around with these things.

So have a think about that and let me know any questions or thoughts on this because as I say, this is stuff that I work with with clients around that and coaching and what I'm trying to do is capture the key aspects of it in my thinking and articulate it for yourself to give you some ideas on where you can shape your own efforts and get some of those wins.