Clearing The Mind In Order To Achieve
The Restless Midlifer : Episode 41
Have you ever felt like there's more to life but constantly find you have so much to do and just can't find the time to do something with that thought? You are not alone. In this episode, Dave shares how to get some mind clearance in order to allow you to more clearly think about what you do want.
Dave Algeo is a Restless Midlifer, searching for answers and adventure. His mission, should you choose to join him, is to seek out ways to get life back on his terms, heading in a more fulfilling direction and enhancing his health in the process. Dave is a writer, coach, and constantly curious person, striving to encourage others to live big - by identifying the small but significant things that can transform the life we are living. Join Dave as he explores how to regain the spirit of adventure and childlike curiosity whilst managing the "grown-up" responsibilities of life.
Dave's approach to making changes in life, health and direction, are rooted in his 'sprout sweater philosophy. Check out his 'Crackerjack' video here https://youtu.be/OZM4ObMSu6U to learn more about the basic metaphor. Check out episodes 30 and 31 to learn more about Dave's approach.
Visit https://www.midlifereshape.com/podcast or search for 'Restless Midlifer' in your favourite podcast feed. To find out more about the podcast, and episode show notes visit https://www.midlifereshape.com/podcast Drop Dave a line at dave@restlessmidlifer.com to ask questions, offer feedback or suggestions for future podcast content.
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Episode Crib Notes:
(my planning notes for the episode for you to read):
The What:
Remember:
Have you ever felt like there's more to life? but constantly find you have so much to do and just can't find the time to do something with that thought? You are not alone - honestly I have conversations on a daily basis and out seems to me to be a golden thread throughout the day to day lives of those of us who are committed to our family and work and, in so doing, often park their own deeper dreams and goals. Lets face it that’s why I developed the restless Midlifer - that’s me - or more accurately, was me until I started to grapple with the challenges - how do I follow the thread of those thoughts - the ‘is this it?’ thought to see where they take me - whilst not sacrificing what really matters. And hands up -for me it was a messy ol journey - I had no clue and there wasn’t a lot in the way of trustworthy guidance and support or community - I made it up as I went along and no doubt made things so much harder and things took so much longer - painful for me and those around me.
Wrong
And I think that’s the thing here - if we don’t tap into the right kind of support or information and some of us are lucky in that respect - perhaps a genuinely good and wise friend or mentor or access to coaching, - we end up taking one of two paths - stuff it down, shut the f up and get on with it or we effectively chuck a grenade into our lives and then get to live with the consequences. Now don’t get me wrong - there may be challenging decisions and choices to make but that doesn’t\t mean we need to be like the proverbial bull in the china shop. Sometimes that can feel ‘easy’ (im using air quotes for the listeners on that one) - because it brings everything to a head but that can be so destructive and mean we have to spend a lot more time repairing damage to finances, relationships, career, etc. In other words - when we act in either fight - just jump in and make a decision without thinking it through or flight - we avoid or deny there is an issue, life feels out of our control - we feel powerless in one respect (flight) or regretful (flight) and have to deal with the fallout anyway. An example form my own life - there are many but I have mentioned this one before - the ol’ romantic image of the risk taking entrepreneur captured me and I jumped ship from a secure position in the police ( thankfully as a career break) to run a business - one in which I had no clue, no clients and no income. It was short-lived and proved to be the most stressful year of my life for that and other reasons - a marriage break up - not one to take half measures like. And culminated in a watershed moment in which I finally had some clarity - with the imminent prospect of our former marital home being repossessed, I found £2 to pay to the building society to hold them at bay one more month and in the same moment I found some sense - I had to get real, return to policing and either get my head down in that or - as yi decided, lick my wounds, rebuild the business, and try again - this time with more thought connections, and actual clients.
Right:
And that’s really what I want to get across in this video/ podcast and is the underlying ethos of the restless Midlifer approach - if we can only find the courage to confront the demands and pressures in a calm and collected manner, weight them against that ‘is this it?; thought that is like a thread hanging from a jumper - snag it and it’s like that catastrophic outcome - the whole thing can unravel if we don’t take steps, or we cut it off at the source - avoid the reason for the thought and the thread, or do we strategically pull at the thread? See where it leads, where it takes us, knowing we can stop at any time and make more conscious controlled choices.
So, that’s what the Restless Midlfier seeks to do - to courageously acknowledge that your head is full of competing demands form work, life and responsibility but knowing. Ton confront them 0 identify them , consider what small but significant things can be done to carve out some headspace and allow us some space to think - to consider the thread of that thought - calling us to more - to explore safely - perhaps in a journal or in a conversation with a trusted person, or perhaps just in your own thought experiments= -daring to day dream to a possible new goal and different action.
Mistakes:
So before I give you a key suggestion - I do need to add a note of caution - this can feel overwhelming - finally confronting the things that have your mind - whether by writing them down can feel anxiety raising, it may feel there is too much. Don’t give up - don’t avoid. Yes, you may benefit from support - a trusted person, a coach or depending on the situation a counsellor or therapist.
And second common mistake I see is that we rush through the exercise - and perhaps don’t fully complete it before identifying one thing - perhaps you have one of those epiphanies - that’s the issue, that’s the real problem - and maybe you are right. But, just hold back - give your self some time and space to reflect - to allow your impulsive nature to wain - and rational thinking to consider it - complete the exercise and identify a number of things. By all means if a decision ends up needing to be made - that’s your call but slow things down - your brain once freed to think may be inclined to jump at one solution, one all or nothing action, consider whatever you identify particularly in the ecology of your life - fight or flight can be a powerful driver so if you feel strong emotions when doing this - acknowledge them but don’t act form them - factor how you feel in, but don’t respond.
The How:
The Big Idea:
So, how? Well there’s a phrase I use a lot when talking about how to manage overwhelm and the feeling of powerlessness or stress - whatever you want to call it - what is on your mind, has your mind. So we need to get this stuff off our mind. Obviously this is not a once and for all thing - but by taking ten minutes out for the - let’s say the rest of this week - and jotting down the things that are proving stressful - the challenging, the worrying, the upsetting, the conflicts, the feelings of obligation, the actual obligations and responsibilities - you can go a long way towards clearing some of the emotional weight, the clutter to enable yourself to actually think more clearly.
So, over the next few days, carve out ten minutes - you decide when - but commit to that - and capture the stuff that is on your mind - I call it the ‘cabbage audit’ for those of you aware of the cabbage and sprouts metaphor - you know where I am coming from - for those of you who may not be familiar - I’ll drop a link into the show notes/ the post, to watch the short video that introduces the concept.