Beer And Self-Loathing

MidLifer Chronicles 8

Last week I shared my crossfit challenge and how an out of reach goal can help focus our motivation and efforts on striving towards our goals that little bit more.

That was all well and good, however, Mark shared the videos of our qualifiers with me and I had a good old fashioned response to watching myself on video; self-loathing.

That might resonate with you too. Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in a photo or on a video and had an awful sinking feeling when you see yourself from that different perspective? It can bring about feelings of dismay (I didn't think I looked that bad!), and self-destructive thinking coupled with self-loathing.

I had exactly that. Now, don't get me wrong, I know I look a complete scruff when I go to CrossFit. For me it's not a fashion show. It's where I go to sweat and turn bright red - and, hopefully, get fitter, etc.

But looking at myself in those videos, I couldn't help but think, 'look at the state of me!' My top was so short every time I reached up my arms above my head I exposed a less than toned mid-riff. And when doing 50 Wall Balls and a lot of Shoulder Press - that meant A LOT of exposure.

Watching the videos I felt completely defeated.

'I have been going to CrossFit for years now and I still look like that! I have lost weight and I still look a mess!'

Dealing with Self-Sabotage

What did I do? Well, given ‘self-cabotage’ had fully taken over, I found myself at the corner shop scooping up bottles of beer and hurrying to the counter. After all, I did not want my rational, self-compassionate self to get a word in did I? Nope I wanted to lose myself in a fog of beer and self-loathing for an evening.

And I did. And no, it didn't feel good. Yes it was momentary escape, but it also blocked out the voice that I have developed to combat self-cabotage of this sort. That voice is sober and non-delusional. It would have said (and did say later when it got the chance):

'Look Dave you are being extra critical based on a hard workout. Nobody looks great in those things. Even Mark looks red and sweaty. Ok, so a longer top might be in order, but it's not a fashion show. And you ARE doing so well. You are making progress - you couldn't have done this two years ago! Look at the weight you are shifting. Look at how many wall balls you can do in a row now - with that weight too!'

Ok, so I coach and work with others on this very thing. How can I get it wrong like this? Well, the answer is simple - I am human. These thoughts are triggered by events in our day to day lives, but they are rooted in something deeper. A deeper set of values and beliefs about ourselves.

We can, over time, learn to more positively manage them and ourselves, but they are very difficult to shift completely. I know this. And, despite finding myself peering down the neck of a beer bottle, I knew that this lapse needn't become a relapse. Not a relapse into alcoholism, but a relapse into my older default thinking and acting - like I have no power to change, like it'll never work, like I don't deserve it, etc.

I have come to learn otherwise.

So, despite my one evening of beer and self-loathing, I pick myself back up and get back to the positive behaviours and self-talk sooner rather than later. That self-talk is based in pragmatic and truthful talk - not the delusional talk of the beer haze or the destructive talk of 'Dave the self-hater.'

The Key is Accepting We Are Human

And that is the key. Accepting I am human, accepting there will be events that trigger the old thoughts and behaviour patterns, but NOT GIVING IN TO THEM. sometimes it takes a moment, sometimes a day. Whatever, it is about returning to the patterns I know help and move me in the direction I want to move. And, perhaps even finding some motivation fodder in the event too. I dropped into first gear and engaged motivation - I will look smarter next time I am on the CrossFit floor and I will keep improving.

Have you ever had those moments that can be devastating to your sense of self-worth? Something that jars you out of your day to day focus and positivity?

If so, give yourself permission to be human. Allow a little time and space to bring in the more rational and the kinder dialogue and get back to it. Those painful moments will lose their sting over time, especially as you see yourself continuing to make those incremental improvements.

Find Out More

In the meantime, check out the podcast to check out the episodes and if you want to learn more about the support I offer in relation to helping you achieve your health and weight loss goals sustainably, visit the Academy or learn more about my more intensive Re-Shape Accelerator programmes, designed to help you to get your health back on track and establish lifelong habits for a more fulfilling midlife.

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Dave

Dave Algeo, Restless Mid-Lifer
'It is never too late to get life back on your terms and have even bigger adventures!'
dave@restlessmidlifer.com

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