FAQ - Can I change the Way I Relate to Food and Eating?

Why is it that every diet I know or have known, even the ones that claim to not be a diet but then look, smell and feel suspiciously like a diet, based on restriction? Well, duh! Dave it's obvious isn't it? How can we lose weight without some form of restriction?

I get that and yes of course there needs to be some form of deficit created between energy in and out in order to lose weight. But, as i explore in this video, it's not restriction per se that I have an issue with, it's the focus on restriction, sometimes pretty extreme restriction, that I have found ends up being counter-productive. It leads to more stress and anxiousness, constant monitoring of what goes in to my mouth, a lot of recrimination when I fail at restriction and ultimately a feeling of 'ah what's the point, I've screwed it up now, so i may as well...'

In this snippet from episode 105 I attempt to reframe the idea of how we eat. Don't get me wrong this is not about denying the basic truth (the energy deficit) but it is about recognising that some of us need to develop a more positive relationship not only with ourselves and our food but in how we consume it - maybe even enjoy it!

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Dave

Dave Algeo

Midlife Health and Weight Management Coach

Reclaim your Health, Life and Sense of Adventure in Midlife and Beyond

https://www.midlifereshape.com/#weightmanagement #weightloss #weightlossjourney #coach #midlifecoach #midlifewomen #midlifemen

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Dave

Dave Algeo, Restless Mid-Lifer' It is never too late to get life back on your terms and have even bigger adventures!'dave@restlessmidlifer.com

Transcript of video:

If we are looking at something from the perspective of restriction,

many of us have had our fill of that. We've had our,

we've had years of it and perhaps we're burnt out with the idea of restriction. And this is why I think it's really important because when I work with clients, and this is certainly something I've experienced,

and I still can fall foul of it sometimes. I think, right, I'm going to get back on it tomorrow. I'm going to do it. I'm not going to have. And it's very much about that. And I feel like I am so burnt out with diets that it lasts barely a couple of hours

because I seem to have some inner resistance to restriction now.

And perhaps it's just the,

probably overusing the word trauma here, but the trauma of the past attempts and efforts and failures that my body and mind is just saying, it doesn't work Dave, don't do it. We hate it.

So for me, that idea of trying to come at what we do and change and step away from restriction

is important.

That phrase restriction or just cutting out and that extreme kind of aspect is really what can often promote and produce resistance.

And what you resist can often persist is a bit of a cliche, but I think it's true in this sense, because how many times when we approach something, right, I'm not going to have biscuits today. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do that.

That we get an inner sense of monitoring ourselves,

right? Am I doing it? Am I breaking the rules here?

And that inner resistance, that inner friction leads to inattention,

which can ultimately lead to us having a binge, a weak moment, and then falling off and then saying, I'll stuff it. I've had it. I've opened the packet of biscuits. I'm going to finish them, that kind of thing.

So it's the grounding in restriction that is the issue. Now I don't have a magical solution here. So I'm not proposing that we suddenly stop talking restriction. You can have what you want and suddenly it'll all be roses and pretty flowers.

That's not the case because the other side of it is that many of us having been in that seesaw between restriction and not,

the idea, nevermind the reality, of just having a no rules, no guide rails, no nothing fills us with terror because we know that that can mean real significant binge, real extreme going off the rails.

And that's the challenge that we have. So what I'm not suggesting is that if we step away from restriction, we can suddenly reframe it and everything's all sunny and roses. It's not.

And that's the thing because the middle ground, the middle path is often the hardest one. And especially for those of us who are used to seesawing between the all or nothing. And I've talked a lot about all or nothing over the podcast episodes in the past,

but it is about that learning process of navigating the middle ground.

So what is that middle ground?

Well, firstly,

it's about recognizing that foundation. It is energy in energy in energy out. We need to create a deficit.

And as I said last week, we do that through both what we expend in energy.

So that could be exercise.

However, there are the limitations to relying on that. As I talked about last week, it could be more activity, which is a differentiated, as I said last week, from exercise as it's lower intensity, something we perhaps do more and build more incidentally into our life. So that can be an opportunity. But ultimately it does come down to

that building that deficit of what we take in. So we can't entirely ditch the reducing or the restriction. But what we want to do is try to approach from the perspective of, you know, I can have anything I want, perhaps just not as much as I want.

But we then need to then frame this in a way that sits comfortably with us, doesn't put that pressure of constant monitoring ourselves, constantly needing to be mindful and the resistance that can grow if we overly restrict.

And that is the real challenge. And again, as I say, I haven't got a magic solution here, but what it is, is about recognizing what are the small things. And so I go down back down from the cabbage to the sprout, the sprout size things that are minimal friction, minimal effort. But if we do enough of them and for enough time, we'll have a cumulative impact. So what do I mean?

It's about that process of starting small,

starting with the intention that this is going to take longer.

This will take longer because I'm not going all in and all restricted right from the start. Because I've learned from the past that that never works or it hasn't worked. Why would I expect it to be any different?

And this is where perhaps looking back on previous experiences and looking back on previous diets attempts, whether it's this group, that group, this world, that whatever watching thing,

you know, you know what I mean?

Those, there will be things in there that you found pretty easy and other things that ultimately led to the demise of your efforts.

There might be a particular recipes, there might be particular little mini rules or mini routines or habits or things that you did that helped you.

And what we're talking about is picking those sprout size things and bringing them into our routine going forward and starting

to experiment with that, to experiment with what works.