Going on the Weight Loss Journey - Interview with Mal Clarke
The Restless Midlifer : Episode 73
In this episode Dave is joined by Mal Clarke, a friend with his own midlife journey including time spent in politics, poker and pool. Mal has faced the challenge of losing weight, regaining it and is now embarking on his goal to shift the weight once and for all. Join us as we explore how Mal is shaping his efforts based on lessons learned, self-awareness and his own desire to re-shape his mid-life for the better. Dave also shares a thought on the importance of 're-grouping' when your health and weight management efforts go off track.
If you want to get in touch with Mal, drop Dave a line at dave@restlessmidlifer.com.
Check out Mal's Podcast - 'Let's Take A Moment' on https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lets-take-a-moment/id1608720602
Dave Algeo is a Restless Midlifer, searching for answers and adventure. His mission, should you choose to join him, is to seek out ways to get life back on his terms, heading in a more fulfilling direction and enhancing his health in the process. Dave is a writer, coach, and constantly curious person, striving to encourage others to live big - by identifying the small but significant things that can transform the life we are living. Join Dave as he explores how to regain the spirit of adventure and childlike curiosity whilst managing the "grown-up" responsibilities of life.
Dave's approach to making changes in life, health and direction, is rooted in his 'sprout sweater philosophy. Check out his 'Crackerjack' video here https://youtu.be/OZM4ObMSu6U to learn more about the basic metaphor. Check out episodes 30 and 31 to learn more about Dave's approach.
Visit https://www.midlifereshape.com/podcast or search for 'Restless Midlifer' in your favourite podcast feed. To find out more about the podcast, and episode show notes visit https://www.midlifereshape.com/podcast Drop Dave a line at dave@restlessmidlifer.com to ask questions, offer feedback or suggestions for future podcast content.
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Transcript of interview (AI produced):
[00:03] Dave: The restless midlife of podcast. Get health, weight and life back on your terms. And welcome to episode 73 of The Restless Midlife, a podcast. Now, I guess the thing with this episode or this regroup, how do we get ourselves back on track or back to pursuing a goal, working in the direction of goal, particularly in this case weight loss, when perhaps we've had a success and then a failure, we've drifted back, put that weight back on, that kind of thing. So this we've got a great interview with a friend of mine, Mal Clark, and Mal has an interesting midlife story and his own right, having been a pool player, interested in playing porker, been working in politics, all the piece there. But the point is it's such a great. Life rich experience of that and at this point. What Hayward classes midlife within that he's had his own journey with and battles with weight and weight loss and he's had a few years back an attempt which resulted in a significant amount of weight loss and then life turned on its head. I guess is the best way to turn that. I'm what's still under the interview, we talk about it in there, but the point of it is that life turned on its head and threw everything up in the air and we drifted back on and he ended up back with a significant amount of weight to lose. Now that is having spoken to a lot of people, that seems to be a very common thing, certainly happened in my life and a lot of people I know. And it's something that can be really challenging, really painful. There is an emotional journey to go through to reconcile with that and what we can often do is feel like just wrapping in the towel, chucking it in and giving up and kind of resorting to denial that it's their distraction, coping in other ways to make ourselves feel more valuable because we don't necessarily feel happy with ourselves because of it. And it's not a judgment about the way, it's about how we feel and many people I speak to do experience that. So the interview is great. Hopefully if you dive in, we explore a number of things. One thing I will say about the recording is we did lose connection, I think a couple of times. How about to edit? And I'm confident we haven't lost any of the quality of the messages or the key things and I think it's a message of hope. What we are doing is joined Miles on his journey. His journey now. As he reimburses now a few good few months down the line. But he's in the middle of that journey. So it's about how he's shaping it. His own approach to this based on lessons learned. Based on self awareness and trying to push away from the massive information that's out there that should do and all the things out there and develop his own approach and I think that's brilliant. And really it underlies my own approach as a coach. Now, Miles not a client of mine, but it very much complements how I tend to approach it with clients, in that we try to park all of the massive information out there, we try to just focus on well researched, robust research because it's the principles, but then we tailor it. And this is where I want to come onto my thought for the episode, if you like, around that regroup. And the regroup is about how do we get back on track with a particular group? And in this case, weird. And it's one of those that can be particularly painful, as I've explained there before, challenge is that when we're lost in that sense of what's the point? I feel again, it's too much, the effort is too much. I put it back on how there's a lot of self recrimination, there's a lot of conquer on that journey. Again, a sense of it's just too much. How do we do that? Now? Aside from the fact that what I like to do is approach the journey that we go on with weight loss in a less of an all or nothing, because I know a lot of the efforts by many of us in the past have been quite extreme, quite radical, and we hold back life for a time and achieve success. But the thing is, it's not life proof. So life comes back in, and I talk about that a lot in episodes, in the podcast. So firstly, that's one of the first basis of it. How do we make it life proof so that it's sustainable and saw that. And in so doing, we shrink down the effort, if you like, still hard work, still work to do, but we break it down into ways that become less of a takeover of our life, less invasive in our cognitive lord when we're dealing with everyone else and we try to make it sustainable and building the habits that do that so that we can stick together. And the news or the good news that comes with that is when we.
[04:38] Mal: Slip off, fall off the track, which.
[04:39] Dave: Inevitably happens because life happens. The beginning back on isn't such a big thing, it isn't seen as such a big thing because it's getting back onto some small sprout sized habits, reintroducing routines, learning lessons from the past, et cetera. So for me it's about that, but also how do we reframe it? And I like the phrase regroup because if you think about it, there's been a defeat and I'm using a lot of for failure, that word brings lots of other things, self recrimination, what have you. But if we think about it in that sense of recruit.
[05:11] Mal: After a battle.
[05:12] Dave: A small troop or battalion or whatever. I'm not familiar with the military terms. What do they do if they still have to push on and fight and to make ground to take that hill or whatever they have to catch as my Irish cousins catch themselves on. They have to regroup and consider.
[05:30] Mal: Right.
[05:30] Dave: What happened? What did we learn? What worked, what didn't? What can we take forward? What have we still got? What resources, what energy, what strength have we still got? How do we shape a new plan going forward? For me, this is something that I feature in my what I call the Midlife Reshape Board as part of my prepay is really for coaching and my programs within the membership that is launching, as you'll hear in the call to action in the middle of the podcast. The point is, I have an activity in there which is based around reflecting on the present, where you are in the present, the future where you'd like to be, but also taking time to reflect on the past. And this is what I want to focus on in this particular food for thought, if you like the regroup aspect of it. Now, if you want any more details about the rest, then you can drop me a line at David Resciencemidlife.com. Pop over to the Midlifereeshape Comacademylinkshawns for the membership. But the regroup past part is a really valuable part of the journey because what we have is in that past attempt, we have the potential for lots of recrimination, emotional pain and what have you. And as my friend and mentor, Paul McKee, the sumo guy, I would say hip or time is okay, it's okay to wallow, we do that. It's very human, but it's not a place to stay. So we are going to have to go through the emotional process, but at some point we need to go, right, okay, what am I going to do about this? And get sort of more rational and more focused on what you really want out of life. And the point of the regroup looking at the past is to say, very painful. There's a lot of pain, there's a lot of opportunities for recrimination, but let's park that, let's look at right, what have I learned out of it? What actually worked? Because within any plan, and I think this is the case for lots of dice, whilst so many of them are so extreme, there will be things within that within a particular plan. It might have been even a recipe, for goodness sake. I remember there's a particular over the years, having tried some world where it was just those kinds of things, there were always a couple of recipes. I particularly like that. So what can you bring from the past to fit into your new plan? So we look at what didn't work and we don't try to crawl bar that back in. We have an option with what didn't work, we ditch it and we focus on what did work and we build a new plan around that or include that in the new plan that's sustainable, or we look at what didn't work and ask ourselves, why didn't it work? Do we need to shrink it down? Do we need to break it down into a smaller sprout sized habit or action or something rather than the bigger effort that was involved in that thing? What did it fail because it was too big and too much? So we look at those things. What didn't work. What did work and what can I learn from those and bring into the future plan so that regroup is about reframing it firstly as okay. I've had a setback. I've had a defeat. Now is the time to sort myself into a frame of mind where I can look forward and look at the plan and look at what you've learned in a different life. Not in the pain and the emotion and the judgment, but in a way that goes, right, okay, I did well. What worked, what one seed in me, what knocked me off track? What can I particularly take forward? What didn't work? What was the seeds of that being thrown off track? And how can I shape, in the case that I approach, how can I shape the actions that I take towards the goal that I want and shape the environment, the wellbeing environment towards that? So there's more food for thought today. Hope you enjoy the interview and I'll catch you on the other side. Take care. Well, hi Malcolm. I've been looking forward to having this conversation with you on the podcast. I've been friends for a few years and obviously exchanged a lot of messages, particularly over the last few months as well because you have your own podcast as well, which we'll get into. But do you want to just say hi to the audience and let us know a bit about yourself and then we'll dive into the conversation.
[09:20] Mal: Well, hello everyone. It's great to be here and Dave and I have been coached for well over ten years, so I probably didn't realize it's quite that long. Dave, I'll just bring that to you gently. My background is being in the well being for a long time. Always been aware, right, since I was at university, coming through it, realizing what good days look like, what bad days look like, and realizing that more of more good days and bad days as possible in terms of getting work, having to do certain things and trying to build a life that I wanted. So that was the idea in terms of actual work itself. Did a little bit of everything until I eventually got into politics, which everyone knows is quite difficult. Intense area of work to be in. I was an elected counselor for a while. I work for a Member of Parliament, so I was doing caseworks that's actually quite intense. People come to lots of very serious problems and you see it from all sides. It's stressful as a job and it's also stressful to take on board what people are going through as well. So now I work in consultancy and also as a kind of hobby but also just trying to make my life the best I can be. I'm quite involved in well being and I'm trying to get fit and loose some ways because during lockdown I was already a big laugh but due and lockdown got even bigger so I'm trying to write that wrong. There's also what's going on. It's a constant struggle, I'm sure everyone listens and knows that it's an ongoing thing, you never quite get to the end but on my journey and anything I share that would be helpful to other people, I'm happy to do.
[10:49] Dave: Yeah, cool. You use the phrase the journey and I guess I think that's how I think of it is that you never get to the destination although there's milestones along the way and hopefully some nice scenery and there's a bit of rain and a bit of icy roads from time to time but it's about learning to sort of I guess enjoy that journey and make the tweaks and the changes and keep on top of things I guess. Isn't it? We've dived in a little bit. I guess but before we do you've launched a podcast and we've had conversations around that but around your midlife story because I know men can share their age a lot more comfortably allegedly than if you can let the audience know your age and where you're at in terms of that midlife story because it's interesting where you're at and how it's led to the podcast.
[11:41] Mal: Yeah. So I'm 41. It seems to have just happened quickly somewhere don't have any children. Not married. Some single guy and obviously that I think leads challenges in terms of always searching for life purpose. Trying to find because that purpose can be almost given to you if you've got those things going wrong and you have to do certain things whereas I kind of live on my own unless I do something I could be very quiet for long periods of time in terms of my soldiers life journey I think that frames it in a big way and also trying to get fit there as well because health wise I'm diabetic so that's up to you. Important in terms of medical care. Make sure that I stay on top of that because admittedly I probably haven't been great at that in the past that's a big motivating factor and both out of necessity and fear in terms of what it could mean if I don't do it so that's kind of where I'm at right now but I think as well just as I sort of work in consultant and try and I guess for me it's sort of as the years pass and we realize that I think when you're younger you kind of think well I'm 25. I'll be a millionaire by 30 or just kind of happened and then the years. Unless you actually do something and change something. It'll just stay the same and I think a lot of people I talk to kids at work who want to get somewhere. I don't sort of necessarily coach them as such. But I'm thinking to myself. It's not just going to change one day. Like. You're not just going to suddenly boss them into this thing. You want to be you got to take actions to get there and think about it and plan it and I'm a lot better at that now, so that's where I'm at right now.
[13:21] Dave: Yeah. It's interesting that, isn't it? The naivety in the sense of youth. In that you see life. A lot of life ahead. Touchwood touching wood very quickly. You see a lot of life ahead of you and you can be driven in a particular pursuit. Whether it's a career or something like that.
[13:40] Mal: I guess.
[13:40] Dave: But there is that feeling. And I think that's what's distinctive for that so called midlife state of mind. And I don't often always tag it to an age. It is that state of mind where you suddenly realize. Hang on a minute. Time is passing by and it's slipping by and you're right. Nothing's going to change unless I do do something in that. Because you said you framed it around. Obviously having to find you said something around having to find purpose and meaning in that. Whereas in all the services with the family.
[14:18] Mal: Et cetera.
[14:18] Dave: You might already have a purpose through that.
[14:21] Mal: Do you want to just tell us.
[14:21] Dave: A little bit more about that?
[14:23] Mal: Yeah, I think first of all, I'll just go back and we just said there's hope in terms of flipping it over because quite often when I was younger, I was like, I've got to do things really quick, like, I've got to become like director or whatever now, because it'll be like, it won't feel the same, but I kind of still feel the same. Some things I'm saying to people that work have these conversations with them, it's like they're sort of like 26 month period, I've got to leave, so I'll never ever get there. It'll still feel good. Like when I got elected to the council, I was 37. Now, if you asked me when I was 27, are you going to wait ten years to get there? I said, are you joking? I'll pass it by then. But it still felt good when I got this realizing that you do have some time toward again, that should give people hope as well, because you have to do stuff, but you shouldn't feel like you're in like a sort of tiny race. There's a balance between not waiting too long and thinking, this is going to happen, but also realizing that whenever you achieve something, it'll feel good if it's going to feel good regardless of your age. But I've just gone back to your point on purpose and stuff. I think, in my personal situation, because I don't know if this translates to everybody, but I'm always fascinated by how routines change and how we can all be doing certain things, seeing certain people going certain places, certain teams or sports or and then gradually, over time, that evolves. You lose touch with some people, you bring new friends on board, new partners, and your routines change. But what I found is that because my life is quite quiet, I work from home, which I didn't see at the start, from Shindle, so I'm a remote worker full time. I go monthly down to London to the company I work for. Apart from that, I'm pretty much just chilling out at home on my own. We're working away and I have to make an effort to find, I think, purpose. And what I find is that because I'm in the well being and I'm in the. Like. Planning and I'm in the searching. I search around for things like new ideas. New hobbies. New things to do. But that in itself can almost be a hobby for me. Whereas my search so I never actually delve into something and commit to it and do it and enjoy it. Build on it. For example, the diet. I know everything in terms of the house to do it, but I had loads of occasions where I was sitting with a McDonald's reading about how to lose weight. It's taken the action. I think for me, personally, I have to force myself to actually do it because I can plan until kingdom come and I'm really good at that. But actually, the bit that I struggle with is when you say, right, day one, day two, day three, day four, I've spent years of day one or day zero and never got started. So that, to me, I have to push myself in that respect to actually take on new things. And just finally, just as a silly thing, I thought, I'm going to get a season ticket for the local football team. Just grassroots football. I planned that last year and I still didn't get one. And I'm still sitting here now, needed to start this season ticket. I got to sort that season ticket up and start going to watch football again. And it just never happened. And that, to me, I've got to kind of push myself to take action. I could well sit here next year thinking football, just as a tiny example, but it translates into all areas life, if you don't care.
[17:45] Dave: It's interesting. Now, little examples like that can sort of highlight potential, highlight the propensity to do, because I totally resonate with that, in that I love the planning. I'm a very process driven person. I think that's just been something I've come to appreciate and myself. Former police Officer you kind of thrust into different things and you deal with it. But as I've left that and I've come to develop myself. I know the processes and planning, it's something that's really important to me in order to move forward but the problem is moving forward, it's I get that because I don't know how do you find it? I find there's a certain level of comfort in that planning, processing and not knowing whether you're not testing it means that it hasn't failed or anything and this is just speaking from me rather than yourself, but I can see, you know but I'm good at it and it's comfortable so I don't know is there any thoughts from yourself on that?
[18:48] Mal: No, I totally get that way through that because we all suffer for failures setbacks and one of the things that I look at all the time, and it's probably more fun than Facebook is I don't follow anyone on Facebook at all. I completely remove myself from it because I found it just doing it. I think I just got absolutely done in with all the craziness, just my feet, doesn't exist. I go in and I use messenger and that's about it. But the social media I am on is LinkedIn now if you want to LinkedIn and I've also networked hard in terms of people who share the industry with me. Probably get about 800,000. By no means a huge list. But quite a few and everyone on LinkedIn. People probably know this when they listen as anyone looks at doing so well and they will start new great jobs and technology responsibility being selected for all these great things and you can almost and I think that's where. Let's say you've got to test yourself. You've got to put yourself out there and do because honestly. Dave. I realized a while back that I enjoy thinking about doing things more than actually doing it's a bit of a trap because how many years that I could say that I did that for? But quite a few, but again, almost like because we're all full of contradictions. If I listed things that I've done. Like little things I've tried. Some roads. You've been involved in all sorts of things and I think that's mainly because I've had a lot of time to do stuff but I will sit and search how many YouTube videos I watch a day on all sorts of things but I'm constantly putting around for something. Not quite sure what it is. But I'm always searching the matrix. I'm not saying I don't want or anything, but I think there's a bit of that at all. Like say for example, if we all found something that was going to be really hard but it would definitely work. Logic says that we should all just jump on it straight away but the reality is we would wait.
[20:51] Dave: Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? I think this is something that can resonate probably with many of us, that when we're in that position of I want to do something, I want to achieve. I'm very much like you. I can overthink things and plan. And I think, look, the strength and everything isn't it? I often think the weaknesses are all the used strengths. So my strengths I can overdo, but there's a benefit in thinking and planning through, but at some point moving forward, and it's the inertia. It's breaking through the inertia. That's the challenge. And I think self awareness, as you've described, and this is where I wanted to pick up on the podcast as well, your podcast, which you can tell us all about, is it's the journey through that self awareness, building up and being honest about it? Because the key thing is, if we can get honest about that, then we can start to look at, well, how can I move forward? Because I'll never be somebody who will think of something and then just do it. Unless buy something on Amazon. I can do that every day. Leslie takes the mic out of me for what's Amazon bringing you today. But the point is, when it comes to this side, it takes a bit more conscious process and planning. I think it starts with awareness and to break that initiative so that if you're talking about the things that you were embarking on, the Middle podcast and the health effort, and you're working on the forex, learning about forex, so those things take a step, push you a step. You have to step forward, don't you? So, Jonathan, I guess I've kind of rambled a little bit there, but tell us a little bit about podcast and what that means to you and how that is. Because for me, there's a lot of honesty come out of that. And I can see the development over the episode of your own self awareness. But you're thinking through the talking almost.
[22:41] Mal: Yeah, absolutely. I mean the podcast called let's Take a moment in my name. It comes straight up. I used an old photograph. I took them for some reason, a fire breakfast. I don't know why. There's no really deep metaphorical reason there, but if you see the breakfast, that's the one. And basically that it was just because I always enjoy I suppose the term is contemplating the enable, thinking about things. I'm game for anything that gets rid of the kind of the things that stress you out. So, for example, I remember the worst one that I worried about, going back over 20 years ago was the driving test. And I just spent five or six weeks forgetting the fact that if I failed that I could have took it again, the age of 17. I just thought, I want my driving license. I want to be able to drive. And I couldn't see past that date they were going on. I think I had my GCSE or maybe volcano levels or something, which year I was in. But anyway, I had that coming up. I didn't worry about that. I just had this one thing that couldn't get past. So anything that I can just go out and relax, I enjoy doing it and I find this a podcast, I just get to think about it. It forces me to take a topic and then just go with it. I enjoy speaking. It's nice to think that people find it, listen to it and maybe enjoy it. I don't get many listeners, but that's fine for whoever's doing it. I get as much out of doing it and I've got my little favorite. Wouldn't necessarily recommend this, make sure you always keep safe. But I've got places that drive to in the countryside and just chill, keep those locked, et cetera. Basically chat. And it's a nice break away from whatever because I always think something always occupies your mind and if you're not careful, you can be trapped into like work. And one of my things I always say is it sounds like a bit weird, but trees, but I mean in a sort of stress free way, which is like if you ever out in the countryside and you notice the trees and you can hear them if you're not able to hear that, or if your mind is out sweat because you're worried about something. So if you're walking along and you can appreciate your surroundings, that's basically it, that you're okay. And that's how I force myself to do that because I think, why not? It's just a fun time. One of the problems I have with the podcast now is I've done so many episodes, maybe 30 something now is I'm kind of finding that topics repeat themselves because everyone's got their pet things that they keep going back to. But I do enjoy doing it. So if anyone checks it out and enjoys it, that's funny. But again, there's so many things in the world for me that we can especially come from a political background. It's all the big stuff, isn't it? The really you can argue forever about it. I like to do something completely different. So the reason we kind of met was because I used to use the music part that we met out and I used to use the music community that we were part of for a while because that got me out of the other bit, that got me away from the bits that used to stress me out. So I'm always looking for ways of stepping back and enjoying something. That's the thing with forex. And I've started to play pool again, it's just to get me back to things that I like because otherwise your worries will find a way of creeping in and that's what I try to with.
[25:59] Dave: Yes, I think that's probably something a lot of us can resonate with in life general. But I think over the last few years the lockdowns and restrictions affected people in different ways. But I think many we perhaps retreated into ourselves a little bit more. Particularly if you're prone to I'm very much in reverse and very much live in my head. If I'm not, somebody doesn't jar me out of it from time to time and it can become, again a problem if it's overdone. I've spoken to lots of people over the last year or so now since sort of doing some more in person sessions and what have you. And that seems to be very clear that it's reclaiming some of the things that perhaps they used to do because you fall into thinking habits and new habits and if they're a little bit easier. Even though they might not be as good for us. Then the content stick. So I like that idea of trying to reclaim things and rediscover and this is where this is a podcast. I mean, your honesty about your progress and your journey and your thinking is really refreshing as well and the fact that you are seeking these things. And I often think this is a question I was wanting to ask you, actually. I'm a big believer in reflective practice thinking and trying to get it out of your head because if it's just wrapping around your head, you don't hear it with your ears, you don't see it with your eyes if you're writing it down. So reflective practice could be just jotting it down, talking to somebody about something, doing a proper journal type of thing or doing what it sounds like you're doing, which is obviously sharing it across the podcast, but you're articulating it outside of your head. Just out of curiosity, do you find that has been any benefit of the process for that, doing the podcast? I know there's other reasons you're doing it, but has that been anything?
[27:46] Mal: Yeah, I think so. I mean, I enjoy working through it, definitely. It's almost cathartic in a way. I think verbalize it and it's something that for example, sometimes I record the episode like two or three times if I feel like the first go round is a bit rambling, a bit non and you'll see it's not scripted either. I have a very broad idea what I want to say and then I just go with it and just see what I end up after 20 minutes or so. Occasionally I finish it and think I've ended up in a place here that is maybe I feel a bit too personal or something like that.
[28:30] Dave: I'm delighted to announce the imminent launch of the Midlife Reshape Academy. This is a lore time and cost commitment membership option for those of you who want to embark on your own midlife friendship with the support of a program, supporting resources and courses Q and A, support from me, and the chance to be part of the restless midlife of community of like minded people sharing similar calls and ambitions. So if you're feeling like your health has drifted, you're not in the shape you want to be and want to get back to feeling more comfortable in your own skin. Then hop over to Midlifereshaped comACADEMY to find out more and join the Prelaunch Waitlist, where you'll be kept up to date with launch details, what's in store and to take advantage of founder member discounts. That's Midlifereshape comACADEMY, you're also focusing on your health and what have you. So I guess before we dive into that, what are some of the goals that you have or what do you see? I often talk about the direction of travel for life. There's a lot that we can't control, which is usually which is in the future, that the unknowns. But have you got a starting ship or have you got an idea of where you want them to go and then how do they fit into that?
[29:38] Mal: I guess yeah, I think the Proof is a great example because when I was younger, I'm talking about like 18 year old, 21, I played Proof when I was literally 18 months old. I was one of those when I was a kid and I was very good. So when I played, I played with a flair and people used to like watch me play. So I like people say being impressed by me on that. So I grew up and I got started playing when I was about 18. I went to university and I was very much into the game and I ended up being on the professional tour for a little while and was ranked in the top 50 for a little while in the country. It was never quite good enough to compete against the very best. That's why I dropped off in the end because it was kind of big money to play, just to say I'm a pro pool player, when actually when I dropped one of the big guns, I was going down pretty much every time I had a couple of good wins against people. You might recognize household names and stuff, but ultimately I didn't quite have it. But I'm still above average, but I stopped playing. And the sad thing is now I would think about 41. So I'm never going to be a pro, so do I really want to play? And part of the changes to say, well, actually, I just enjoy it. So I'm trying now. And it's hard because I used to think to myself, I literally thought I was the best. I wasn't. But I had a hugely probably every other day in my life was like down here, this pool, I had massively inflated opinion of how good I was. So that was kind of my way of finding something. We've all got something that we value, we think is good about ourselves. That was mine. We had just gone back to play and just being one of the guys or one of the guys and gals whoever's in the team and just playing because I want to play and accepting the people better than me is actually quite tough in that particular instance. So that's one of my goals, to just enjoy it, just to enjoy that in that particular area. Whereas instead of using it as a way of validation on me as a person, because I'm not ever going to be what everyone said I wanted. Are you going to be one of the best ever? You're going to win World Championships, you're going to do this and that. And I heard that so often and I liked it, and then gradually I didn't quite have the time with the ability to be fair, to do it. And as I got a bit older now, I remember this really funny thing. What about the midlife thing? I'll tell this quick anecdote because I was playing pool on it just for a while. It was about a few years ago, because I haven't played very often and somebody went, It's my clock, because obviously changed the voice, got a bit more gray hair, so it's my hair, and I didn't really have turned that in here. Carried on playing and this guy went, he was a good player in his day and I'm like, I'm that age. Yeah.
[32:27] Dave: How to bring you down. He's a good player in his day.
[32:41] Mal: The goals, I think just to find things that I want to do and not to think that it's too late because I had a period of time being locked down didn't help me either way. I felt like, right, I just need to make some money and retire. Grace for the ASAP ridiculous, really much more about now living for the day. And if anything, maybe I need to think more about future planning a bit more, but at the minute I've kind of rebalanced where I'm sort of just enjoying the routine as it is and not thinking too deeply about ten to 20 years down the line and just trying to enjoy every day as much as I can. I mean, one of the challenges is going on in the health that you said is my enjoyment used to be around eating really bad food and now it's like I always know how far to my next meal, but I'm keeping down to sensible areas and getting there very slowly to go. But that's a challenge. But it almost gives me a little bit of structure because it was just a free for all for a while. And as big as I was, that was me with some restraint, because I wanted these people that could literally eat all day and not stop. And the capacity I think I wish I could have got, it could have literally been well above dirty stone because I was eating a lot of mealtimes and gained plenty of ways, but actually consciously stopped in between, whereas I probably could have just kept going.
[34:09] Dave: Yeah, it's interesting. A couple of things before we dive into the health side. As you talk about that, I see there's a tension, but like an inevitable tension between trying to sort of enjoy and make the most and be present as they're here and now do the things we enjoy. You've got to do stuff that you don't potentially but it maintains your life or it moves you in the direction, that tension with what you want to achieve in the future. And I think you're right, if it's pulled one way or the other too much for too long, your life gets totally out of balance. You could end up even achieving a particular future goal if you focused on the future. But because you saw practice at focusing on the future, you're not in the present when you achieve that, your head is still in the future for the next call or the next thing or you can't even appreciate it there or the vice versa. You saw in the moment that we don't give thought to that those future things. And I think that's a very human tension, isn't it? And I guess it's the pull between the two. And this is one of the things, I guess, when talk about worklife balance, that idea, that phrase and Oz means a lot of different things and it's a bit cliche, but I often try to draw the sting between you're not trying to work life balance or what balance you want to do. You're not trying to walk a tightrope where you're balancing and it's one step and you're off and it's crash you're more like that aircraft that's flying from here to see Australia and trying to just track a course but you're off course more than you're on course, but somehow you still get there. And I think that awareness that you talk about is what brings you back. It's kind of like, okay, maybe my head is a bit too much in the future here or maybe I need and sort of jiggling as you go along, readjusting and navigating your way through it, which is where the work is, isn't it? I think that's the challenge. So in terms of it for the health side, I don't know how much you want to sort of go into it. You talk about the use of the meals as a structure routine, which I think that makes a lot of sense, particularly, I think, even though the Corvette, that a lot of rituals and routines and structures just bend out the windows in there. So how are you approaching that? Because obviously it's an important goal to yourself. There is a future to it but there's also the hearing now.
[36:11] Mal: Yeah, I always say that season life with food. That's my grandfather.
[36:19] Dave: Right.
[36:19] Mal: So if there's something to celebrate, then let's get takeaway. If there's something to commiserate, let's get takeaway. If there's something nice on TV, get some chocolates and enjoy it. So it's kind of my default. It was probably no disrespect my parents where I was brought up the work class background. They came from a generation where there was no abundance. So you treat people by giving them more. So there was this kind of cultural shift where the more social for example, when I first heard that there's like a dietary trainer thought that you'd be aware of that says, she never finishing me. I don't agree with that, but leave something on your plate, that type of thing. And I remember thinking that would have gone down well in my house. And that's kind of the starting point for me. Basically for me, it's bread. I'm an absolute bread monster. I can just go all day. If you just gave me that, I'd be fine. I wouldn't think, oh, missing me, whatever else. So for me, it's about how to really sit down and work out. Because the doctors I went in, I got way, and it was just that moment where you don't know when you go in. And I just thought, I've got to.
[37:34] Dave: Do something about this.
[37:35] Mal: And the number was higher than I expected anyway. And the nurse was like, you've got to get this sorted out. You've got to start making progress. And actually, four years ago, on June the first, 2018, it just clicked one day. I said I've had enough doing it. And I just started to work through combination of sugar testing, which is lucky for me, I'm diabetic, but I have to test my sugar four times a day and I get a number one bolt it with medics.
[38:02] Dave: We can look it up.
[38:03] Mal: It has to be in a certain range, otherwise there's bad news. Basically, if your sugar is too high, it's poisonous if it's too low. So you've got to keep it in an optimal range. One thing I hate is testing myself and that this will happen because for everyone else, when you eat something, your body creators regulates the carbs that you take, the sugars, mine doesn't. So that's what be diabetic is. And if I have like say, for example, you rock up my house and I brought you dairy milk, when I get to my next test, it's high. Instead of being six, it'll be nine or ten or even eleven or twelve. Now, I hate that and it really bugs me on a tie. So that keeps me right. For example, now when I came back from work, I used to finish it too when I was a counselor, not being a counselor, had an extra job full of that job. They used to get home in about 230 and only sandwiches. I'm actually in seven weeks now, so I'm actually okay now. But if I had this feeling, I'd be thinking if I was to go, but I don't want a bad weed. So it keeps us right. So you've got to find something that keeps you honest. Now, for some people that's doing testing the weight, forgetting weight, I personally don't do that because until I get on the table of psyche until I get down to my target or nearest. Even if I lost five or six stone, I'm still going to be like another stone ago, which isn't a great mindset, but I know myself and I accepted that. And I know that when I go in September to get wage, I will have lost to have lost some, but I know I'm still going to be probably roughly as close as when I actually started in 2018 because I gained a bit more, which is normal. I lost about four stone, did really well, and I probably gained about six up until I started again. So that was a real nightmare. Just long period of time where I just did it all wrong. So now the mindset is until I get back to where I was, as far as I was with the minus four, I'm not interested in what size is, I'm just going to get back there. So I'm enjoying the process, but it's quite empowering. I actually don't care at the minute. I hope I am, it's just a case of keeping going. I realized I looked at it and I said, right, I've got to stick this out for six months minimum.
[40:34] Dave: I'm delighted to announce the imminent launch of the Midlife Reshape Academy. This is a Lore time and cost commitment membership option for those of you who want to embark on your own midlife friendship with the support of a program, supporting resources and courses, Q and A, support from me, and the chance to be part of the restless midlife of community of like minded people sharing similar goals and ambitions. So if you're feeling like your health has drifted, you're not in the shape you want to be and want to get back to feeling more comfortable in your own skin, then hop over to Midlifereeshape.com Academy to find out more and join the prelaunch Waitlist, where you'll be kept up to date with launch details, what's in store and to take advantage of founder member discounts that's midlifereshape.com. I guess the question is about your health, the health goals and the journey that you're on with that one question is because you can tell us, obviously, the background to it and previous attempts, etc for but one of the things that I'm interested in is what changed or what's led you to embark on this? What was the turning point this time around? Do you know what I mean? That kind of thing. What were those factors and issues? Because we've talked about how much we often spend a lot of time planning and preparing, but it's that step over the line into doing something, isn't it?
[41:50] Mal: Yeah. So the first time I started was June the first, 2080, and I did really well, so I knew I could do it. It slid relapse fully, which wasn't good. But what changed this time was I got to birthday, which is 25 May, and like you said, I'd been planning my next attempt, my resurrection come back. So I was thinking I've got to do it. And I realized that June 1 for some reason it just clicked at a stop, right, that's it. I'm starting again on the same day because I know I can do it. I've proven it before. I almost found it easier because it was almost like I didn't need to try as hard because I knew I could do it. So I just had to get to do it and it just sort of happened and I just started to make the changes and sacrifices and I already knew that the first three days were going to be really bad because the body just really says no, I wouldn't like this at all. And truly like almost to the point where I was about how hard I remember saying to my mom, if it's this hard, I told you I could do it. And I remember thinking I'm going to do it, but God, it's hard. I really hope it doesn't stay this hard. Thankfully it does get a little bit easier. You do get used to it. And it sounds a bit preachy when I say that and when I remember people like me hearing people say that before and thinking whatever, you always got the skinny guy. I lost 1220 Scorn and you think okay. And I always think like that classic cliche. I can do it, anyone can do it. But genuinely I did like everything wrong for 15 years and it does feel good to do it better. And the best thing is the last time about 06:00 p.m. And I wake up in the morning and I haven't eaten since and it just feels so much better. I feel when you wake up they use infinitely better and that's what keeps me going in the evening, I think. I know I feel brilliant in the morning. And again sounds bit of evangelistic but it works. Part of it was the reasons was frustration. One has changed the actual reasons about being big appearance, self confidence, just everything like that was really just had enough of feeling the way I was feeling health wise. With the diabetes, I knew I had to make changes. I've got some pretty grim consequences coming and I think almost frustration with myself that I haven't done already and just real I don't know where it's come from because I think the hardest time for anyone and I'm sure you know this for your clients. If anyone who's never done it before. It's very difficult to tell them they can do it but if they've ever lost anything. I mean anything. Then at least they've done it. So the hardest time the first time around in 2018 when I was literally on my head on the sofa like me crying because I was so hungry and it was just that for some reason that pure resilience just keep going. That taught me that I could do it. So this time around it's been a lot easier.
[45:08] Dave: Yeah, just in terms of the two times, because I think this is a theme and I've experienced it myself, not just in weight loss, but in lots of other areas where you think, come on, you're back where you're back in this position or perhaps a little bit worse and that could be financial, it could be weird, et cetera. Did you go through a process or how do you reconcile that? The emotional side, maybe the feelings that you had about I did it once and then let it go and then back, because this is quite a common theme and I think it's how you wrestle or work your way through that to get to a pointer, to say I'm going to do it again, type of thing. I don't know if that makes sense as a question, but it's that area there that I think is really gets a lot of people.
[45:57] Mal: Yes. I turned the negative and the positive in some ways because in 2018 I was in a steady relationship at the time I'm qualified for football coach. I had a team. I was managing a team with someone else. One of my best mates. And we were having a blast there and I was doing the photography. I just started doing that. Meaning working on that. And everything seemed different. I wasn't working full time because I was a counselor, part time job, I had all these new horizons opening up to and being elected to the councilor failed in 2013, so it was like achievement of a big goal and I was enjoying being on them. It's only a four year term and I didn't end up. Unfortunately. Losing my seat. But at the time I had three years stretched out and everything just seemed to line up with lots of good things are going on in my life and I thought it was quite easy in some ways to make the effort because I didn't have anything pushing us back or depressing us because again. I use food like everyone else's. Medicine. I use it for everything so that was probably what helped me in that respect. This time I didn't have any of those things. So the register ended. The football had long gone. I was no longer a counselor. All I had was. I'm working from home and I'm just at home and it's a bit boring. But hang on. That means I've got no if I can do it now when things are just even worse than they were but like. Different. Then I've got a good chance I don't have to worry about because one of the problems that you have is if you go in. If I was still going to the county councils canteen. You stopped some lovely food in there. I don't have to worry about that now because I'm not going there. So I can just eat. It all about the structure but time I thought, you know what, there's nothing stopping me doing at this time and I can do it and I can stick to it. The challenge comes when I visit London once a month and I have to end up taking food with me in the heavy bag and pull it along and I'm slowly getting sit there but I've got a long way to go. But it's like I realized that the way my life was structured, it was actually giving me the best chance to have for a while to actually do it and that proves to be helped me so far. For example, today I just work to make meal and I don't have to worry about because even for example, when you can start making your meals, you can start off five, that's five I was commuting from somewhere, I'd be driving home and that's a way longer. Again, I was just very just looked at everything and thought, you know what, there's no excuses here, I can do it and haven't done it before. The good news is, as you know, if you can stick it out for two or three weeks, you start to see the difference. And for those people listening who are maybe on the bigger side like me, you see those results even quicker because any change in terms of losing the water weight initially, you actually get a quick boost and you start to see it in your face and you start to feel better. You're not necessarily happy because there's no way to go, but you start to see something and that keeps you going. Yeah.
[48:55] Dave: It's interesting how you've reframed that as well because I think this is where it's often not the phrase it's not about the diet and I don't want that to come lance Armstrong and his bike and whatever. But it's not about the diet per se. It's about how we get our head into the right place and that's easier to say than to actually do. But reframing the things that are positive and I think that's a really powerful thing to do to reframe that. Because you had the architecture. I guess the life was going well and I guess a lot of people can relate to that as well. If you've done it before, what was it about that time? And sometimes there were certain things that you could do that you can bring forward and apply, but sometimes it may just have been like you say that the stars aligned or whatever, it was just the right time and when things change you suddenly thrown back into a different set. And I think you're right, if you can kind of make it more life proof now, yes, you've got opportunities but you're also thinking do it now, it can probably do it anytime type of thing. I think that's a good approach because it is the long game, isn't it? For not just the weight loss but then maintaining it afterwards as well. How you do that is a lot through those rituals and routines and structures.
[50:12] Mal: I think I've set up it necessary directly that I started on the same day this year as I did on 2018.
[50:18] Dave: Right?
[50:20] Mal: So the only side difference is that I've started two stone heavier, which is what it is. So in a way, even though you shouldn't feel like I feel like I'm too still behind. So I'm looking. Remembering that I remember I had a photograph taken on myself when it was just the team laying up the classic football picture and I was one of the coaches who have the tracks and top one. And for me I actually look quite slim because I had a very quick drop from where I was and I was kind of at a weight that was like very heavy, but it wasn't like super big. It was the point where two stone off makes a big difference. I think you get to around about 20 stone and if you lose cotton stone, then it makes a big difference and it's above that that you started getting a lot of really big size and that you need to kind of be careful. But wherever you're at, I think if you ever see pictures of people around 20 and 16, you do start to see some massive changes. So I'd had that kind of big change at that size and I was like I remember thinking to myself after that was after five or six weeks of doing it, maybe seven or eight weeks. So I'm thinking now, right, that's where I'm at. And that stopped me out of thinking about the classic thing of buying a week. I need to lose stolen a week. It's not going to happen. I've got no idea what I just know that I get what's called the HP one C, which is a twelve week blood average ring. Mine was high because I was eating idiots and the nurses like, you've got to do, I said, look, I want to be booked in for September because that's coming down and there's no point coming before that because it's a twelve week reins. So we brought it in the end of July. I would have like eight bad weeks, four good weeks. So I'm going in September and that's my kind of not so much away. For that reason, I'm asked to show them that I'm doing it right because there's no way of hiding that if you have a bad week, it'll show. So that has to be right and that's keeping me right on every meal. So I would never say diabetes is a good thing because it's clearly something that you don't want, but I'm trying to use that as a way of keeping my head right because I genuinely admire anybody who can do it when they don't necessarily have to in terms of having a real serious medical reason why. You got to do it because if I didn't ask particularly not as much as everyone else, I think I find it a lot harder. The reality for me is that I have a medical condition that everything like the Thai sugar is really not advisable so I've found ways to solve I'm trying to find stick to it. I'm not going to get down to like twelve stone. Eleven stone and something to happen but if I get down like 1415 I'll be happy and I'm a lot different.
[53:00] Dave: So that's cool and it's interesting that you talk about how you take in your circumstance and using it and reframe and I think that's really important and this is one of the challenges. This is one of the issues I have with a lot of the information that's out there about what you should be doing you should do this. You should do that. Follow this diet. Follow that and I've been party to that as somebody on the receiving end over the years as a lot of people have friends. Family. Et cetera but when you dig in it keeps coming back to you there are some basics but it is about what works for you and how do you make things work for you. So you talked about when I think that's such an important example. There are someone would say you need to wear yourself every day. There's some would say every week someone said never put the scales out of sight, go by field, whatever and I think again there is no one rule to fit them all. It's what works for you so you've rationalized around it in your head about how this works and that's what makes sense and I don't mean rationalized as in your disorder you've actually just made it so that it makes sense that it works for you and I think that's the journey that if we can go on in each of our journeys. Whether you decide to follow this one or that plan or do this kind of eating or that. Whatever. If it works for you in your life taking into account the challenges. The positives and all that then we've got something you can work with type of thing. Another idea you've given yourself that twelve week period and I remember listening one podcast when you were talking about the journey and your initial thinking that you had the reason that you also not want to do the way ends before that. Do you want to try and explain that? Because you've explained better than I can but that was something that resonated with me as well.
[54:46] Mal: Yeah, it was basically self awareness. It was known that like for example if I could just click my fingers and lose £50 which is long way to lose and I look different and eventually I'll do that but I would have set on the scales and still being sad because of what was looking back even with like 25, 30 kilos off. It's ridiculous. But until I get to my target, I'm just not interested. And I think as well, when you're bigger, you generally just have bad experiences when you get on them. So you have that fear when you have that, even when I get on skills and get a result that I wasn't too bad about, I still didn't enjoy it. So I just decided that at the side of the arm, and this only applies to me because I'm a big unit and if I lose the weight I'm going to lose, believe me, I'll be able to see. So if you're trying to lose and I'll put this cabinet out there, if you're trying to lose £7, £10 a stone, then you won't necessarily see that in terms of being able to know, like it might need to just have those checks. But the way that I check so I am checking, I'm doing it, I'm checking something else because I don't think it'd be like for me to say, you should never wear yourself. It's not important because some people, they would use that as an excuse to just carry on the way they carry on, which I'm clearly not doing. So the changes being made, I find that there's no reason that I can look at on that scale. It's going to make me more motivated. Well, next meal, for example. If I did, for example, did a really tough two weeks. But to be fair, every time I meet I'm not, I admit that I love my food and I love bad food, like I love Big Macs by any time. So I'm kind of like if I got the scale of 2 million weeks, it's like, oh, you lost £2. I'd be like, £2. I threw that effort out. I'm avoiding that by almost killing myself. In a way. The challenge would be the nurse knows this and will talk to me about it, try to coach me. I don't know if it will work, but when I go in, I'll have a number in my head that I think I lost and I won't have lost that much. And it's when I come out, I know that I'm going to feel like disappointed this, like I'm sick. But I'm hoping that what will also be there is me saying, you expected this. Just got to do another twelve week cycle and see where you get to and just keep losing it gradually because it's a long game. If people worry about weights, I've got friends who do this and it's a lot, and then they look exactly the same, so you don't have it. But then if they're thinking that, then they're not making changes because they just want to get to the goal. You want to get the goal, but you want to stay there. So you have to just accept that whatever you're doing is apparently changing. So for me, the challenge is finding something I can keep too I'm not going to hate because I won't keep it as simple as that, I hate it. So I just wanted to find something I could stick at rather than crushing and then returning to normal because if I do that I'm going to end up back where I was and all the problems that brings with it so.
[58:02] Dave: Much there and I guess the first thing is to reiterate what you said as well as what we're not seeing is chuckle skills. We are doing what we are. The key message here is nor thyself. And if you have that level of awareness from past experience that's you are bringing into it, my approach would be let's run some experiments, let's just test what works for you, what do you think? And try it and let's see that and take the sort of judgmental head off and the absolutes of it and let's just see and then as you say, take off the deadline. Because often what I find with deadlines, particularly for this particular area is that it leads you to shaping your decisions and your choices and your interpretation of results in a completely different way. If you've got twelve weeks and that is the deadline or two weeks and that is the deadline or whatever, it changes the dynamic, doesn't it? Whereas if you give yourself that longer term with some check ins don't go wrong that longer term you can adopt a more longer term view to how you approach it which is where you said something there about the I'm looking for something that just I can't remember the word you said but you can stick with that works for you and you can stick with and I think that is the real. That's the sweet spot if we can find out what works for you and there's a bit of trial and error there. Past experience and whatever so I think that's the key message that I do want to sort of make sure everybody gets and I think your example is a brilliant example of that. Using that self awareness. That past experience to know what works and know how it's going to be.
[59:37] Mal: Yeah and I think as well. What I would also say is that what I didn't do as well as start off like an absolute train in terms of cutting down to what I would probably eventually get to I've done it in stages now. Again. The danger there is that you use as an excuse to carry on by and large what year before. Which you can't do but you've got to be honest with making genuine changes. Not just perceptive like doing it in stages I dropped like half a Chopper bar and I'll do the other twelve next week. You've got to kind of be authentic about it but I know for example and I'm looking at it very carefully in terms of taking the meal breakfast I can get down a little bit, but I like to increase exercise because at the moment I haven't really done much of that. But I know that the last time I lost, I think it was three stone in the end from where I started from, which would be about five stone from where I start from this time. I know that I did that without really any exercise at all. So I know that I can get down there, but I know that for fitness it's good to be more healthy, cardiovascular, which is what I want. I've never in my life done like a five k or anything and that would be quite cool to have a go at it. It's getting on that kind of mental thing of kind of dealing with my age cause I can't but the body hasn't made any excuses. I think what I would kind of say as well, David, is the key thing that you have to the people and you mentioned about weight loss is that the key problem is that why does somebody and I've got a friend, she looks amazing, she values how she looks. She goes to the gym, everyone knows she's one of these head turners, walks down the street and everyone knows she gains £2, she's adjusting the week after and losing those back and will be in the right state until she does it. Someone like me gained probably six or seven stone too much. She didn't care. That's the problem. And if we could find a way of dealing with that mindset like you say, it's not about the food. The food is the final stage of it's about what gets your head in the right place. So whatever you need to do. If someone said to me you have to wake up every day and if that was the only way to lose weight, I would do it. I'll be miserable now. That wouldn't necessarily motivate me. It would probably just upset me to the point where when I'm set, I want to eat even now. Like if I had a real bad setback of work by the way you did, and you get distance of terrible work, I'm upset about it. But when it came to town, I'd be thinking I deserve something. So kind of knowing yourself and being able to block the default thing that can be got you where you are in the first place.
[01:02:11] Dave: Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? And that knowing that there's a couple of things that you've kind of brought to mind, just chuck in and then I want to talk about the way and the feelings that you might have at that point. I mentioned to you and I've mentioned on this in an earlier podcast, ethan Supley, the American actor, and his American Glutton podcast, and his talking through some massive weight loss and his journey and really humble and what have you. And one of the things that he did in answer to listeners question is he talked about the goal is not to lose a number of x, number of pounds or weird or whatever. The goal is the routine. And that was something that really struck me. It certainly ties in with my thoughts around the sprout sweating. Let's just concentrate on sweating the sprouts day by day, the highlights, the routine rituals and park the goal. You can check in on the goal when you need to but let's focus on that because if you can develop that routine that's sustainable. The goal is to get a sustainable routine and I love that idea of trying to reframe it a little bit around that. So I don't want your thoughts on that. But I think that's what I felt from your comments about trying to find something that works for me.
[01:03:23] Mal: Yes, what I did was I came up with like if I was good on Fortune I could do this as a graphic and it would probably be illustrated but hopefully people understand what I say. I've got a traffic light system in my head which is like based on a clock face whereas when I eat it's green, I'm just eating them up gradually goes down in about two or 3 hours after eight and then read in the hour before because that's when I'm really fancy food. Whatever time it is, I know I'm getting to like 04:00. I'll be well aware in an hour's time that it's about an hour before I retain, I'm ready. Now I can't go and have something straight away. So it's like understanding when you're really thinking in detail about everything and understand for example from 11:00 A.m. I really want something and if you came in with a big bucket and I'd be very grateful. But I also know that it's only an hour. So just hanging out, that's where maximum effort goes. Because if people are being honest as well, I found this quite helpful in terms of it made me feel better even when I was at my worst in terms of eating free for all. Didn't really eat for 2 hours after I ate a meal. Never really eat within 2 hours of that ever. Now that means that if you're 4 hours away when you eat the next meal then I was having 2 hours for free, I don't have to worry about them. So I was like actually I'm halfway there already, I've just got to make sure that he's fairly better. And then last year the 2 hours up. So that was kind of trying to almost trick your brain into doing it somehow. You just got to get through it somehow and whatever you need to do it. Because as long as you've been honest about actually doing it authentically and you're not kidding yourself, you don't have this. One of the things I find is when you are cutting down and every softening your body will have like a really hardcore sugar craving and I had it the other day. It was just a walk through to Morrison's and I went, but other supermarkets are available. But I went to Morrisons and I walked past it. You know when you get the sweet cups and you can just fill your own for some reason, the fudge and chocolate Brazils and the chocolate raisins. I could have had a butterfly and for the rest of the day just thought I just got to have some of them and I was craving them. I just realized it's because my body just hadn't had any for ages and it just really wanted something. I didn't get them in the end, but you've got to treat yourself but in moderation because your body will eventually say, I want that boost. And then that's hard because I could have broken some records that day.
[01:06:01] Dave: Yeah, it's interesting, that elastic band effect, but obviously you managed it well. You've developed a set of I love that visual, actually about I got my 2 hours for free. I think this is what if we can each sort of develop the things that work for us and visuals metaphors and little things like, well, you can have it, but not till whatever those little rules and policies we develop for ourselves, that can be powerful, but they've got to be ours. And I think that's the key thing. So I think that's a big message and I love all of that. The one thing that I wanted to just kind of touch on was you talk about the way and then perhaps they'll be potentially you're kind of almost preparing yourself for not receiving the message that you want to receive. And that's an interesting perspective. And I think there's a phrase or an area in psychology or positive psychology possibly called defensive pessimism. I don't know if you've come across this, but this is something that's often used by lots of people. We probably all use it without recognizing it, or many of us do, but athletes can often some athletes prepare themselves for the race time. Let's say they're doing a race tomorrow, they're nervous and what have you. The pressure is building up and some will adopt this defensive pessimism as an approach where they'll say, okay, don't have them. I can. I'll do the best I can. It's out of my hands now if I win or lose and if I lose, fair enough. And we kind of talk and prepare ourselves. Now, that's not negative thinking. That's not defeatist because these are top performing, successful athletes. It is a way of them managing their mind that works for them and it's not going to work for somebody else who might be more on the extreme optimism scale, et cetera. But that to me sounds like a very pragmatic approach. I know you sort of talked a little bit about you're readying yourself for it. How are you? Just in case in that defensive pessimism state is there any thoughts on that?
[01:08:03] Mal: Yeah, I think, like I said, unless I walked in and got the reason I want, which is many stones less than what I actually am, I will be on the day, I will be happy. So I know that and even them saying no. So it's kind of been honest with myself about that. And even though I have both an appreciation that I should be happy and I probably will be deep down, but then there's the kind of frustration that I just would rather not be bothered with any of this and be exactly where I want to be. So I'm kind of just aware that it's not going to be exactly what I want because I'm quite greedy and I want to be exactly where I want to finish. Two days and you talk away. That sounds good to me. So I think it's just been aware of what your likely reaction is. Have sit down and think maybe people could visualize what the number would be, how they feel about it for most people. I've got a friend who's very big lies. He lost £2. He was over the moon. And I kind of ended because I thought, I wish I could be like that. But I know that my reaction would be, he's a lot heavier now than what I started from and he's still lost too soon. He's very happy about it because he's just on his way. So I think I try and try and find the positives in terms of I'm not going to go in there expecting miserable, but I'm conscious that in there somewhere will be a frustration that I'm in a situation, I've done this myself and I'm not there yet. And I want to finish, but I want to reach my target. I know how that feels too, but again, the one thing I've never experienced is reaching it, so that'll probably be the weakest thing if I ever do get down there as to what do I do then? The first thought would probably treat yourself with check on tips. The mistake I made when I lost it the first time, I think that's also a process people have to go through in terms of how you handle success in weight loss as well. Because what I started to do is think, I'm a weight loss machine, I'm always going to lose out. Lost three stone. And what used to happen was I have the odd trees once a week and I still lost. I thought, I've got this lick now, I've got this sort of just there and then gradually plateau. I thought, well, I've had a couple of treats and I didn't gain anything, so I'm cracked on next week. And then I started to gain a little bit crackers. I want to gain a little bit. And then the habits just slowly but chewing. And I look back now and think, how did that happen? How did I let it go so bad to get back to where I was. I don't recognize the city now. How that's? Because I'm doing it right now. It is very easy to go back, and I don't want to do it. As I sit here now, I can't see a scenario where I would, but I know it's possible because I've done it. So I've got that experience of failing as well from a position where I was a lot further forward. I mean, I got the point where I was walking into the Council, people going, wow, what happened? You've totally changed. And I felt nice. I never really liked it, though, because what happened was after a while, the comments would go from, oh, you've lost weight, how's your coin on your skin? Right? I know my comments in general, but anything you can do to stick at it, that's probably the message I do with.
[01:11:35] Dave: Yeah. And it's interesting. I probably have to wrap up the time here, but thank you for your time. But I think it's interesting as well about what you mentioned about what after. And I think that's something that would not necessarily be preoccupied with now, but to give some thought to, because there is a time when you start to shift your sense of who you are. I mean, this is with any change, it doesn't have to be a financial change or anything, but you shift a sense of who you are. And one of the things I found. One of my former clients who has featured on the podcast at the time that this is she treated the weight loss as the starting point of new adventures. Effectively the new goals and what I could do that you talk about five K and things like that. And I think it's starting to reframe that or see that there is more after that. And you're right, who you are now, you need to be who you need to be, but then there'll be transitional identities as well as you go through that.
[01:12:36] Mal: One of the things that I never do and I should do and I've never done it is visualizing myself. I might do it. I think people don't like if you said to me, I can't imagine it's almost like you have to try and imagine yourself in your mind's eye looking down and seeing yourself exactly looking in the mirror in your mind's eye and seeing what you want to see back, the slim version of you, the slimmest version of you that you want to be. And for some reason I've never done it, and I don't know why. I don't know how many people could really ask that question themselves. How often do you sit down and really imagine yourself looking good in the clothes? Do want to look good in being lean, being everything we want to be? And it's something I'm going to try and do in the weeks coming forward and just taking time to actually imagine myself there. Whatever that means doing the echo to and just try and imagine yourself as your version of perfect I think that's important because you've got to be able to see it to really believe it in your head and whilst I'm doing it. I do wonder whether there's a point where I think I'm doing well. I'm really going to be able to do it and I think unless I push my ambition by seeing it I'll get you a point and stop so I want to go further than that because at the moment I'm aware that if people listen to this fact they'll hear me saying I'll get as far as I can get but there's a limit to what I can achieve in terms of how much I can cut on my diet there is a limit but I can also do running and I can exercise and I've got a bike and I can start using it more and stuff like that but I think that that's where particularly as you get lighter you've got to work a little bit harder and lose it because it's harder when you're big it's easier in some ways because it comes off very easy you just got to do it kind of right and it works but then you've really got to push to get especially if you're going like a superstar and physique that takes work.
[01:14:40] Dave: Yeah and it's interesting and I think this is partly the visualization I'll see a little bit on but I think it's also about recognizing what's a job for present mal versus a job for future mal because you're right. It may be too much of a stretch to believe a particular thing now or future mile may be in a different place and see the things differently and just have that little bit of something else or even a completely different idea of what they want future mile will be in a different place literally and I think that's worth just kind of sometimes it's worth just pushing it off. Delegating it to future miles. Some of those things making future miles life a bit easier by doing what you're doing I like that idea but the thing about visualization is there's a lot said about that and I think it's something that's often overplayed as a very simple solution or a way to achieve your goals and for many people this is anecdotal experience. Personal experience. Anecdotal and from reading around is it's not for everybody or it's not for everybody in the way that it's described you can visualize and picture yourself now. I've never been able to do that and I think there are other ways you can kind of just imagine what it would be like if or just have the feeling of it's difficult to actually articulate without seeing the image or just almost an imagine without an image if you're not a visual person or something or even visualize or sort of imagine the next step. It doesn't have to be the end one because if it's generating gall emotions or senses of disbelief, disheartened feeling, well, what's the point so far away? You've got to be careful with those feelings, haven't you?
[01:16:19] Mal: Yeah. Well. I was just thrown out there. I found it strange that I hadn't I guess it depends on the person and maybe that's just because it's not my sort of natural state of thinking but I just found it weird that maybe I felt like if I hadn't done it. It was because I didn't ever think it would actually happen so it's kind of maybe trying to just even just want to sit down and bring it to my brain.
[01:16:45] Dave: Absolutely. I think it's like you run the experiment to see whether it is something that could be a tool in the kit for you because for those for whom it works, it seems to be very powerful in the sports. Sports people use, certain sports people use a lot and in lots of ways a lot of people claim that it's been really useful. Now, I'm not doubting that. I suppose my issue is that if we suddenly tag on this what we should all do it or we should do it again, it comes back to you. So run the experiments here, I'd be interested to know what your thoughts are and how it plays into the mix of things you're doing as we go forward. This has been a great conversation. I don't know about you. But I'd love to check in again if you're up for it on podcast. Because we've talked about a lot and probably focused in on that but I think there's probably a lot would be interested on the ongoing journey. Not to add pressure but just to see because I think being real about the ups and downs and setbacks and progress that's the importance of these kinds of conversations.
[01:17:49] Mal: Yeah, it's a never ending thing because the reality for me is that medically, either I do it or have better consequences of it. Even if I just got to the sugar control part and ended up platinum on the diet. The doctors would want me to lose it but I'd be happy with that bit being done so I couldn't afford to regress to where I was so there's always been an element of effort and progress in terms of keeping it going and obviously I want to push forward and get fitter and experiencing some stuff and just one final thing I'll just say is one time it's weird how your body works sometimes I've never been able to run. I've always been very unfit and I started going to the gym a while back. That's something I'd be adding I did go to the gym but did mostly weights. Quite lightweight. We just did them for flexibility. Bets of fitness. Those types of elements and I haven't got back yet but. I do plan on going back maybe after the first September check in. I'm not back in again, like you said, progressively.
[01:18:59] Dave: I think you're on a journey to support you then. Great. And thank you for sharing those things and also your midlife experience because I think there's many things that people can relate to, even if in different circumstances. That midlife point, although it's not a specific age, it's certainly something that many of us get to where we think, I need to rejig or recalibrate life here and get things back on my terms more than they are. So I think that's something that's very, very relatable. So thank you for sharing those things.
[01:19:34] Mal: You're welcome. And I think it's all about trying to it shouldn't feel like massive effort because if it does, you probably going to store it, stick to it.
[01:19:44] Dave: Yeah, I think that's a great part and thought because that is the essence of, I guess my thinking around it. The sprouts weather approaches find ways that are lower friction that you can sustain because you've got to get on and enjoy life as well. But also these things, if they're important enough, then we need to stick at them. So great master.
[01:20:04] Mal: Thank you.
[01:20:05] Dave: What I will do, I will put in show notes, links to podcasts, if you're open to one or two more listeners. I'm not saying I've got a massive audience, but maybe one or two who want to check that out.
[01:20:16] Mal: I have a big impact on my listeners. I'll definitely notice it. Anchor app. People should check it out. It's very easy to set your own up, right?
[01:20:24] Dave: Yeah, the anchor app for podcasting, it's great. Anyway, thank you. Any questions that anybody has, they can feed through Maydayve@restlessmedlife.com or I don't know if you've got a particular email that you want to direct anybody to or if you'd rather fill it through me, that's fine.
[01:20:44] Mal: Yeah, you'd be great. If I haven't got a podcast email or anything, it's just there that we listen to and enjoy. People enjoy just taking a moment and thinking about something. The whole point of what I do is to offer something out that I get my views on what I would look at if people thought about their take on it as well. At some point I should find a way of getting an email set up if you could contact me, but if it provokes some thought, that's the point. Great.
[01:21:10] Dave: And it's called let's take a moment.
[01:21:12] Mal: Just first take a moment. Yeah. Hi, Spotify or wherever you get your podcast, it should come up. Use my name as well because I'm not the only person who thought of that.
[01:21:20] Dave: Yeah, cool. Well, thank you for your time, has been brilliant and good to catch up and as I said, listen to everything being in the show notes and David recallsmidlife.com for any questions, feedback questions for Miles if you do have any. And we may hopefully see Mal on a little catch up at some point in the future. So thanks very much. Take care everybody. Thank you for listening. You'll find all show notes, links and resources mentioned at Midlife reshape combodcast. And it would mean so much if you could spread the word to your fellow restless midlife as a share the show and links. And if you aren't already subscribe to the show in your podcast feed of choice. And one more thing, if you enjoy the show, it would be great if you could read it by visiting midlifeReshape.Com/review. It would mean so much and I may even give you a shout out in return. And a quick final thanks to production assistant Karen North of North BA and for the music which is called Silverstar by the awesome Logan Nicholson of Musicformakers@musicomakers.com. Take care for now and don't forget you really can appreciate your midlife health and rekindle that spirit of adventure.
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