Managing Burnout with Weight Loss Efforts - Q&A with Dave
The Restless Midlifer : Episode 74
In this episode, Dave answers some listener and client questions and digs into 'clean' eating, losing weight whilst managing burnout recovery, dealing with set-backs in your weight loss journey and more.
Dave Algeo is a Restless Midlifer, searching for answers and adventure. His mission, should you choose to join him, is to seek out ways to get life back on his terms, heading in a more fulfilling direction and enhancing his health in the process. Dave is a writer, coach, and constantly curious person, striving to encourage others to live big - by identifying the small but significant things that can transform the life we are living. Join Dave as he explores how to regain the spirit of adventure and childlike curiosity whilst managing the "grown-up" responsibilities of life.
Dave's approach to making changes in life, health and direction, is rooted in his 'sprout sweater philosophy. Check out his 'Crackerjack' video here https://youtu.be/OZM4ObMSu6U to learn more about the basic metaphor. Check out episodes 30 and 31 to learn more about Dave's approach.
Visit https://www.midlifereshape.com/podcast or search for 'Restless Midlifer' in your favourite podcast feed. To find out more about the podcast, and episode show notes visit https://www.midlifereshape.com/podcast Drop Dave a line at dave@restlessmidlifer.com to ask questions, offer feedback or suggestions for future podcast content.
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Transcript (AI generated):
[00:03] Dave: The Restless Midlife of Podcast get health, weight and life back on your terms. Hi. Welcome to episode 75 of The Restless Midlife. A podcast? Now, there's not an interview. What I do have is a Q and A session, really, because I have a number of questions that have been asked to me by clients and also by listeners as well. So thank you for those of you who sent them in. So without further ado, let's dive in and get straight to it. Now, the first one is around clean eating. And this is from a listener who has asked really, what is clutching and what relevance is it to me in terms of weight loss or trying to be healthy? Now, here's where I'll give you my opinion, but I am going to flag that. I will be asking we've got Mark Telford coming back on the podcast in a week or so and I will ask him about that particular topic because from my perspective, clean eating as a phrase seems to be used in all sorts of ways, in all sorts of contexts. And to be honest, I don't know what it means and I don't know if there is one meaning. And to be honest, when you look at things like social media, blogs, that kind of thing, there doesn't seem to be a consensus on what it is. And it's certainly, from what I can tell, not a phrase that's used in the literature, the research literature, the better quality research based literature that I rely on. So for that reason I tend to step away from that phrase because of that not being in the literature, but also because it seems to be used in almost a semi, if not fully religious way that you've got to be clean and you're eating. And there is that implication around it for some of the posts and some of the people that do talk about clean eating that there is this need to be cleaned. So this could mean various different things, to be fair. Some it might mean you need to eat only organic, you need to eat your vegetables, your broccoli had the chance to run free on the meadows, that kind of stuff. And it's all about the way that whatever the meats, the livestock, the plants, et cetera, have been grown or raised. Others, it's about following a very specific rigid diet, whether it's narrowing down a particular foods and a particular food group like meat is dirty or wrong or whatever. So for me, there are other contexts where it might be used in a more, I guess a more responsible way around, actually. It's tied into what is healthier food. We want less processed food, we would like to increase more vegetables, watch the energy content, et cetera, of some of the meats and the foods that you consume, that kind of thing. So for me, the words clean and step away from quite a lot. But as I say I'll ask Mark because I know that he does use that phrase from time to time, but I'd be interested from somebody who I respect and know from a personal training background, a lot of experience and knowledge, what his take on on it. So that's my take on clean eating. Not sure if that's helpful. All I would say is you don't need, in my opinion, if we're following a sustainable long term program, we don't need to worry about the phrase clean and am I eating clean because there are different ways to fix it and it does depend on your goal. So we step away from a judgmental thing around clean. Okay? So thank you for that too. I think it was Steven who asked that question. So. Thanks, Steven. Good 1 second one, which is another quick one because again, I'm going to flag that. I'm aiming to get at least one guest in to talk about this topic, but it is about the topic of weight resistance training, weight training for women. Now obviously I'm not a woman, so I can only have a limited perspective on this, but that's why I'm going to ask somebody to come in and explore this. But the question that relates around I understand that I want to get fit and exercise, I want to eat right, but I'm a bit worried that I hear resistance training, we're training is an important part even for women, but I'm a bit worried that I start to build muscles and start to lose my femininity. Now these are the words of the person who asked me this question. Now my initial perspective, and this is based on asking questions of the likes of Mark and I guess Elaine Hudson, who was on a previous episode and has lost a lot of weird and into wild camping, open water, swimming power, strongman contest, that kind of thing now and by no means developing a physique that I think this person had in mind. And the views are that you can't accidentally grow big muscles. You have to really work hard at it, really focus and dedicate your life and it has to become almost a singular focus. So in terms of from a female perspective, the benefits and I'll step away from the perceptions because the benefits are growing some strength, building strength, torning up those muscles can be really, really beneficial not only in sort of longevity strength and just confidence in yourself, but it has a knock on the benefits on your metabolism and burning energy. So that's as much as I'm going to say because as I said, I think there is a misconception around what resistance training is and how it relates to women. I think it's been challenged and changed nicely and positively as we go. But I'm going to ask somebody and see if I can get a couple of guests on to talk about that in particular. So again, I'm sold personally for me and for anybody that the benefits of building our strength doesn't necessarily mean muscle size. It means building our strength in terms of our joints. And that and protecting ourselves from midlife and beyond because we do our muscles percentage if you like, declines the muscle strength if you like, declines without that training over the years, particularly in our thirty s forties, fifty s and onwards. So we do need to train it. But as I said, I'm going to get somebody who knows a lot more about that than me to talk about. Okay? So let me just have a quick look at my list of questions here. Okay? Now this is a good one. Burnout and managing weight loss. Now this is from a client and I think it's particularly relevant here because many of my client group my own experiences with burnout and from what I can gather just in conversations with a lot of people across a lot of different mediums. That in midlife. Part of that change and that shift in our perspective is we start to realize that a lot of years have passed and perhaps there's more years behind us than in front and that starts to get you to reframe. But we also perhaps our experience in elements of burnout and that might be mild to severe depending on where we're at. But we've worked hard to build a life, to build a career or business, whatever in a particular direction and we get to a point where we think is this it that coaching question that I always talk about but also to think I'm not effectively technical term, but I'm exhausted and is this what it's going to continue to be? So that burnout is something that seems to be a common thing amongst midlife as a I guess so how do we manage that? But also if we're recognizing perhaps we've put on some weight and we're trying to shift weight, how do we balance the two? Now this again is a very individual conversation, I know with the client particularly asked that we were talking very specifically about their challenges around this. And how do you manage energy levels when you want to exercise, when perhaps your energy slumps more noticeably at particular times of the day, which leads you to feel like you don't have the motivation and more tempted to make the wrong choices in terms of get a takeaway or something like that when you're trying to stick to more sustainable day to day actions. Now it's not about a rigid diet but it is about trying to sort of embed some of those sprouts and habits as I call it, rituals, routines that can help move you in the right direction. And if that is something that you're trying to do but you are juggling that feeling of exhaustion that burnout experience, then that could be a challenge because we can often feel like I want to do so much more. I want to do more exercise, I want to get out there and do it, but I'm just feeling frazzled, worn out, whatever and which wins out and what is the best way forward. So, for me, again, it's a very individual thing, but general rule of thumb is to step away potentially from the all or nothing. I've talked about that in previous episodes, that thing of I'm embarking on a plan. So it has to be everything. I have to get everything right, my exercise right, my sleep right, my eating right, all of those things. We step away from that because the process of going all or nothing in itself can be quite stressful and add to the sense of strain, which then can add to the exhaustion and the burnout symptoms. The other thing is, exercise in particular is another stressor. Now, I'm a big fan of it, but as my friend Duncan O'Brien, who is a personal trainer, once said, if you haven't been to the gym or active for a long time, you've got to earn your way back to the gym. And that's a phrase that resonated. And I'll try and get Brian Duncan on the podcast in due course because that'd be a great conversation. But his point is that all or nothing, it means we jump into some extreme exercises or what can be significant, even moderate exercise from a cold start. And that's an all or nothing mentality that perhaps contribute to the burnout. So what we need to do is separate the two out, but recognize that they saw interplay with each other. So if we are embarking, and this is some of the thoughts and reflections of exchange with my kind as well, around this, is to recognize that there are a number of levers in terms of weight loss and I'm going to do something more specific around that. The number of levers in terms of weight loss relate to energy in versus energy out. So energy out, the lever is activity, movement and exercise. Energy in. The three levers are around what we consume, the dietary side of things. But I'll park that for now. The energy out lever is something that if we're experiencing burnout, it's something that we need to be careful with how much we pull on that lever, how much or how extreme the activity is. So my general guide is if we're starting on a plan and you are wrestling with that, wrestling, probably you're experiencing burnout, is to take a step back, to reflect and to prioritize. So the first thing is we need to start to tackle the burnout, the energy side of things. Now. We can get a lot of benefit from movement and activity. But very low level and in smaller doors. Perhaps. Maybe going for walks. But keeping it to an amount that doesn't burn you out. That doesn't add to the problem. But a bit of fresh air and a bit of outside can be really refreshing and it gets you moving. Which is what your body wants to do. So we need to be really lower level initially and just gradually, ever so gradually build up. But tackle the burnout so we can still look at things like how you eat, but again, not go extreme because diet to the extreme, which is something that if you've listened the podcast, you know that's not the approach that I recommend at all, but diet to the extreme, it's a stressor in itself. We've evolved to respond when food intake is reduced or sources and opportunities for food is reduced. We vote to treat that as a stressor, a long term chronic stressor, even in times of famine, if you go back to cave people days. So for now, what we might need to do is to pull on those levers very lightly and make some small changes. So what one meal could you tackle and improve? What change? What one rule perhaps no stacking at work or in a particular time or save a treat to the other day. Little small rules that don't necessarily turn your life upside down. Once you get on with the job of looking at the burnout and the burnout is around, taking stock of what are the causes. So the causes around, is it work related, is it relationship, is it a worry, is it stress, that kind of thing. And how do we deal with that? So that's the stress side. And that's I guess, time for previous podcast I'm sure I've talked about, and I might dedicate some further time on that because that stress is we need to get to the underlying causes, perhaps make some decisions, communicate with people and start to deal with that. Look at our psychology and how we're responding to things. But the other side is building our energy backup. So it's about looking at our things like sleep, sleep quality. And I have done podcast episodes on sleep in the past and if you check out the website you'll find some resources there and some links to my Sleep program, which is a seven day program to help you improve sleep. And that's free. And the point of that is to give you some tips and tools. But also a 40 45 minutes daily relaxation practice to help you go to sleep. Now, it's not intended to be a permanent replacement, it's just to introduce you to the idea of relaxation practices. Pod, your prezed time routine, as I call it. But tackling sleep isn't about getting perfect, it's about making some small improvements that can have a real effect on that. But if you have experience, if you're experiencing burnout, the thing is it's not a quick fix. It can take a long time, it can take weeks, months even, to start to feel that sense of not completely exhausted all of the time, then breaks during your day. How do you break up your day? Breaking up your day more than you think you need breaking up your activities more than you think you can, your concentration levels, you may be good, and this is particularly relevant for my client, is that they're very good. Once they get to work, they're in it and they can focus and concentrate for long periods. The benefit of that is they can produce a lot in a short time. The downside of that is by the end of it they're absolutely wasted. So we have to balance that out. So maybe step back and build in some artificial, in their case, some seemingly inconvenient time, times, hard stops and breaks to allow you to change up the activity, to rest, relax, take some time to reflect, go for walk, whatever, even a nap in an afternoon, if that's possible. As long as your sleep is okay, that can be useful. It's a long way around and it is a fine balance, if you like, between the two and very individual. But the general rules of thumb are let's deal with the burnout and respect it. Let's deal with the underlying causes and perhaps make some decisions. Manage stress, stress management techniques, relaxation, let's build in some breaks and some downtime and also look at sleep. The other side is by all means, let's start getting on with the process of reclaiming our health and managing that weight down, but let's not pull so heavily on the levers involved in that because that can be an additional stressor. So I hope that one's useful in terms of food for thought. Again, so thank you for that. My client, I can't name them, but it was a really useful exercise in going through that and I think it's useful to share as well if you are experiencing burnout or just feelings. And in terms of what is burnout, that's probably a conversation for a whole episode. But if you're feeling like after night's sleep, you're waking up and you're still tired, you've not fully rested, you're finding that you're getting through the day and it's grinding at you. You're almost on that automatic pilot where you're just not always present. You're feeling a bit, perhaps even more extreme, detached from your work. Detached emotionally can be more extreme, but just exhaustion, tiredness and not feeling like you're really recharging the battery to any length of time, or that your battery isn't holding its charge when you do, obviously. So by always drop me an idea about restlessmidlife.com if you have any thoughts and questions around that because I'd be interested to know whether that's a topic worthy of a podcast episode in itself and perhaps I can also speak to somebody who we can bounce off around that topic as well. I'm delighted to announce the imminent launch of the Midlife Reshape Academy. This is a load time and cost commitment membership option for those of you who want to embark on your own midlife Reshape with the support of a program supporting resources and courses, Q and A, support for me, and the chance to be part of the restless midlife community of likeminded, people sharing similar goals and ambitions. So if you're feeling like your health has drifted. You're not in the shape you want to be and want to get back to feeling more comfortable in your own skin. Then hop over to Midlifereshape comACADEMY to find out more and join the prelaunch Waitlist. Where you'll be kept up to date with launch details. What's in store. And to take advantage of founder member discounts that's midlife reshape comACADEMY. Okay, so next question. Let's have a look. Client question, but one that I think comes up quite regularly and it's around having a bad week. So I've had a bad week. I'm sweating sprouts, Dave. I'm trying to embed those small sproutsized habits. I am trying to keep them down to a manageable way and manageable level, but with the best will in the world. Life happened. I had this happen, I had a really stressful time and a bit of conflict at work and I dipped into a McDonald's or something, I think it was on the way back from work. And then I had a few beers and late night, which led into a bit of a spiral over the next few days because I was tired the next day, that kind of thing. What do I do now? You might recognize that I've certainly had those days and weeks and I think this is where I think it's important to firstly, I always say I've said this so many times when I used to run the stress sessions. Give yourself permission to be human. Permission to be human because you're a physical, emotional, psychological creature. And as such, the day to day demands challenges, the unexpected things, the mundane grind as well, will play its part in things. Which is why I'm always about, let's make whatever plan you have life proof. For me, it's all well and good. Having some fancy plan that's extreme that you are motivated to do, that you can manage for a week, but then life gets in. It doesn't work, it isn't sustainable. For me, it's about, let's start with the offer, let's get real, life will happen, whatever you set out. Even the sprout size plans, my sprout plan, my 139 plan, even that. As much as we try to keep it manageable, it's going to take a battering from time to time. So permission to be human, let's recognize that. And then there's two things, because one of the things I think is that if we have that setback or that falling off the wagon, it is very easy to let it spiral out. An addiction, and we're not talking addiction here, but I like the phrase elapse doesn't have to become a relapse. And I think it's a similar for where we're at here because we can fall, we can lapse, but it's what we do. Then the convicted whether it becomes a relapse. We start to spin off out into the old behaviors. And the key thing with that, I found, is the way we treat ourselves when we have the lapse. Because the lapses will happen. Yes, we've tried to work on just embedding those franchise habits and learning our lessons from them so that we make them as robust as we can. But we will have lapses. Life will happen. But what do we do in order to avoid a relapse? And the first thing, permission to be human. The second thing is to be kind to ourselves to catch that voice that says, he told us another failure. I knew you wouldn't do it, but whatever it is, this is my kind of voice, I guess, that comes up and saying, who are you to think you could have anyway? Just forget it, man, it's a waste of time or you're useless. No matter how you are to try. Whatever those voices are, they are the culprits in my estimation of what can spin you back off into relapse, I guess into falling back up and giving up on a plan. So the first thing is to permission to be human and then start to catch yourself in the act of that negative voice. That voice that is there is therefore perhaps the best will have the best of intentions to try and protect you from. The hertothelia, I guess, is what it's trying to do. But it's very cruel, very critical. Gets loud and hurtful. Park it, catch it and thank it and move it on. Do what you need to do, but get back to what I call the regroup. The regroup is that place of acknowledge the emotion, acknowledge the voice. But let's get back, okay? Right. Let's take ten minutes out here. What happened here? Okay? It was a crappy deal where I had to deal with such and such and I always seem to have to bother them. Whatever the story is, let's just catch it, okay? Let's get back on. And a couple of little things that I think can be really useful. Is there's a longer term way of learning what the triggers are and seeing if we can be proactive in that. But what I like to talk about is deal with each day in deer sized units. Deal with your meals in meal sized units and treat it as that. So one slip, one bad meal for whatever form of a better phrase, one treat that you shouldn't have had. I'm using shouldn't air quotes here. Those things do not necessarily mean a relapse. They're just what happens. Let's treat rather than thinking right? That's it. The all or nothing mindset kicks in, right? I'm used to some of failure. Let's go back to treat it as a day size unit and a meal size unit. Okay, that meal wasn't great. What's the next one? And here's the thing, because the next meal we don't overcompensate in terms of health, because what that can do is lead to that swing, that wild swing between not so good and good and what have you. We just go back to what we were doing in the next meal. And if the next meal, if that's kind of you still need to get your head right, then the next day treated in deer size units. And I think that could be a really useful way. And that approach can help you get back on track. Coupled with and this is why I think the plan, if you can keep it to the sprout size habits, actions and rituals and routines, it's not the mountain of effort that the all or nothing plans often require. So I don't know about you, if you ever tried an all or nothing plan, I've gone out and I've had great successes at times, but once you're off it spins out, you lose it. And the thought of getting back on it, climbing back up that mountain, I just can't face it. And I think that's where we might even experience what I like to think of as dietary burnout. We experience a burn out of diet. I just can't handle it. So if we deal with a smaller plan, we've then got the sproutsized habits to go back to, which are smaller, more palatable, more manageable. Okay, so where am I at? Right, okay. This is what I'm trying to achieve. This is my longterm vision, this is my short term goal. So for me, longterm vision is be fitter at 66 than I was at 45 when Rosie was born. Short term vision is Operation D. Move, get back to, well, what does that mean? It means eat, move, sleep, eat, move, rest. So eat. Let's see, look at the actions. Where can I mix and choose? And they're small sprout sized actions that cumulatively together, work together. And that's the beauty of having a plan, but also the plan that is capable of being flexible, but not rigid and also not overwhelming. So I hope that answers the question, or at least if you have that question yourself, how do you approach it? Permission to be human, catch yourself with that self recrimination and start to be more compassionate with yourself. Acknowledge it and park it and then get back to, okay, day size and meal size units slip. Then what can I get back to, when can I get back to next meal tomorrow and do it that way. So hopefully that answers the question. Okay, so next one. Okay. Got a week of travel and want to enjoy, but also not undermine our processes at the early days. Now this is a good one because again, it goes back to that all or nothing thing. The all or nothing approach is I've got the plan and I will carve life around the plan. Now, that's not sustainable for most of us because what happens is, life happens as I've said before, and in this case another client question, travel was coming. And it wasn't just travel as in work. Well, it was work related travel, but it was also meeting up with colleagues, friends, and inevitably there was going to be socializing, there was going to be buffets style lunches during meetings. There was going to be grabbing this, that and the other, and there was going to be evening meals and drinks on the night. So if you've just started on a plan in the all or nothing mindset, your options become very limited. As in stuff it, I'll just go and I'll be like a monk and I'll be rigid. What's the chances of surviving that? Or what's going to be the cost to you in order to hold your will like steel through that or don't go, which again has its consequences. So for me, the more flexible approach, the sprouts federal approach, that longer term approach is, okay, reality, how do we make this life proof? How do we make the plan fit around the things that are going to happen? Because this is a learning process, because it's early days, this is one thing that's going to be others. There'll be Christmas, there'll be holidays, there will be other meetings, there'll be unexpected this, that and the others. How do I use this as a bit of a learning process. So anyway, that aside is the learning that we get from it helps us get better at the future. But the approach that I suggested here is and that we discussed is, okay, so it's about six days away, six days of travel being away, and that unpredictable, socializing, etc. And so let's look at the plan months in, doing okay, doing kind of on course. But I know that this is going to have an impact, okay, so let's not take the MicroView of each weekly wins, et cetera. Let's lengthen it out and look at the average over the month and look at how we can both prepare for that week by sticking to some of those sprout sized habits. Which are routines. Maybe add a little bit of exercise in to add a little bit more. Or walking to just adding that energy deficit so that we can prepare for it. Look at what we can do afterwards to then average it out. Don't wear yourself directly after you come back because and that is a call, not being rigid about it, but the clients agree that perhaps that would have the effect of seeing what went on would have more damaging effect than motivational effect. So leave it another week and let's see what we can do in the week after. And during the week, look for opportunities. So don't be Richard, we want to enjoy them, want to enjoy yourself, want to enjoy the socializing and what have you, but what opportunities do you have during the week? And this is where we pulled on a couple of talk. About pulling on a couple of levers on the energy in side in terms of the levers are you can sort of if you talk about energy and energy outbalance. How do I reduce the energy in or moderate the energy in particular over this time using the levers or perhaps time restricted calorie restriction. Monitoring calories or dietary restriction. Eliminating a particular or not consuming particular type of food or a particular thing. Whether it's sugar or carb or whatever. I mean, there's lots of different variations. I'm not necessarily recommending any, but it's about what is likely to work and support you the most in your time away. And what we discussed with perhaps a bit of a blend that perhaps the time restriction could be useful because it might mean I could extend my fast overnight, the breakfast, the breakfast to a little bit later and even skip it and count it as lunch. And that might moderate things. The lunch. Work on lunches where possible. Maybe four out of the three out of the six or four out of the six. Being a little bit more healthy where possible. Taking people off and proactively. Saying let's go off and find something healthy and then allowing so that time restrictions coupled with a bit of calorie restriction. The healthier choices coupled with perhaps exchanging a couple of things where you might then say right. Rather than beer. I'll have a spirit and this is not me endorsing this. This is a discussion that I've had with the client around what would work. Now, this is not necessarily going to work for everybody, but it's about being flexible and this is the point about the planning and the thinking ahead. You have a number of leavers to pull rather than expecting to rigidly stick to something, let's change it up, let's move. Well, the time restriction is something I could use there because naturally I might skip breakfast and it will work for me because I'm going to be straight in the things to be busy, occupied, et cetera. That'll work. So what would work in that situation that perhaps might not work back in the home situation and all we're talking about is mitigating it without suppressing that enjoyment, but also without necessarily overly undoing the work that we've done, but being real. There's going to be an impact of that few days, but that's life. We're playing the longer game and treating it for the longer game. So again. This is a conversation I think it's useful just to sort of see in terms of thinking around it. That it takes a bit of thought. But it's not about being rich. It's not about beating ourselves or even being defeated and think it's a write off. The week is coming up to the right of what could you do that could just help it be a little bit less. A little bit healthier than perhaps it would have been if you weren't on this journey. And have a think about that, if that's something for you. And again, drop me a line, Dave, about restless midlife, if you have any thoughts or questions about that. Okay, so I hope that's been useful in terms of a few questions and answers. Please, if you have any questions about this episode or any other questions around whether it's regaining health, getting life back on terms, losing weight, that kind of thing, some of the challenges and experiences, then drop me a line at David Resistmidlife.com. I'd love to have them, and I'll hopefully do a Q and A session in a month or so, or two months time, but I hope that's been useful. Food for thought. Let me know what you particularly found useful and we'll catch you next week with an interview. Take care. Thank you for listening. You'll find all show notes, links and resources mentioned@midlifereshaped.com podcast, and it would mean so much if you could spread the word to your fellow restless midlifers, share the show and links. And if you aren't already subscribe to the show and your podcast feed of choice. And one more thing, if you enjoy the show, it would be great if you could read it by visiting midlifereshaped. Comreview. It would mean so much, and I may even give you a shout out in return. And a quick final thanks to production assistant Karen North of North BA, and for the music, which is called Silvertar by the awesome Logan Nicholson of Musicformakers@musicfamakers.com. Take care for now. Don't forget you really can reshape your midlife health and rekindle that spirit of adventure.
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